#but the teacher of the class disagreed
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#wooo tag rant!#this feels too silly to talk to friends about (and also feels a little like bragging which Iâm NOT but)#but some stuff has happened in the last week that made me sad so. here we are.#for some context: Iâve always loved music. I sang constantly when I was younger (much to my parents amusement and therefore belittling)#I took piano lessons for five years and cello for three or four#both of those my parents were hugely supportive of#but neither of them were really It for me#I really really wanted to sing#finally in early middle school I talked my mom into letting me take a group voice class at our nearby music school#I didnât think that would go anywhere of course#but the teacher of the class disagreed#she moved her entire schedule around to make room for me to take lessons with her#she immediately had me fast tracked to the basically honors program in the school. super performance based super exclusive#Iâm pretty sure she tried to get lesson prices lowered for me#it was. amazing.#and also the first time I really felt like an adult thought I had potential for something?#I took lessons with her for a few years. I was about to be accepted into the honors program. and then I got my wisdom teeth removed.#tldr we donât really know what the fuck happened but the muscles in my jaw went insane. I was in constant pain for like two years.#I tried to stick with voice but I just. had to quit.#I went back with a different teacher later in high school but had to deal with Constant complaints about it from my parents.#and when that teacher fell through I just. stopped trying.#my jaw is a lot better now. but I still donât sing much because it all just. makes me so sad.#itâs this constant reminder of pain and having to quit something Iâd dreamed about for Years and having my parents just⌠not care.#Iâm just. so angry and sad.#this was something I loved. and I was good at it.#and now I barely sing in private.#I went to a cool chapel a few days ago that had amazing acoustics and was empty. and it was the first time I had fun singing in. years.#but then I tried again today and felt miserable.#idk.#I miss singing. I miss music.
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i forgot i had "character analysis is my passion" in my bio because i probably put it there in late 2022..? and at that point the only serious character analysis i'd done outside media class and posted online was for sth so it was kinda just me being obnoxious but i guess it fits now since prsk character analysis is the only real thing i contribute lol. foreshadowing but not intentionally
#it's funny as well because i've always kinda liked characters just as a whole#but i never really considered screenwriting or anything. probably because i suck at writing prose although my teachers would disagree#i still got graded higher for analysis on english lit and in media class#(16/25 marks highest score in class for literally one paragraph bc i ran out of time i will never forget u. impactful moment)#(sorry i hate bringing up my grades because people hate it when i do i'm just proud of that one specifically)#i guess it kinda just made sense after how tired i got with art. taking actual art lessons kinda just busted my creativity. weird as it#sounds. maybe the 100s of OCs i made growing up should've been a sign that i needed to take screenwriting.#âdami what the FUCK are you on aboutâ i visited my old junior school yesterday and now i'm being introspective okay
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Me and the music teacher getting into another fight over whether natural phenomenon can be music.
On account of the fact that he thinks it is the intent to make music that counts
I on the other hand consider the intent to perceive music as being the defining feature.
#he opes every class with what is music#which is funny because everytime during group discussion i have to be like#qualifier i violently disagree with the teacher#he has an entire story about how he during his phd he really hated a book that was assigned#and just turned to me this book is what your arguing#full on feud at this point đ
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the poll on hated subjects in school made me remember the single most unhinged class i ever had, which was my last politics lesson in 10th grade. everyone (first and foremost our teacher) was screaming and insulting each other. people were crying and some just deadass left out of protest in the middle of it. it was absolutely surreal.
#lily talks#it's been a while but iirc the whole thing happened bc of a discussion about israel#which in light of recent events feels incredibly ironic#i do not say this lightly but the woman teaching the class had ISSUES#certainly on a personal level#but also it was actually harrowing to witness this person using her postion (teaching politics and ethics) for no other reason than to forc#her own political believes onto as many kids as possible#and if anyone dared to disagree (which of course little me did first thing when she took over the class in 8th grade) she not only gave us#bad grades for the entire 3 years we had her class (of coruse with no good reasoning even just to pretend)#but also dubbed all of them nazis or sexist or any other wildly problematic thing you could imagine#even if and in most cases especially when it had absolutely nothing to do with the topic at hand#naturally everyone present quickly developed a rather sarcastic and grim sense of humor when dealing with this person#like 'what crime will i be accused of this week? find out after the break'#my personal highlight still was the time i was supposed to describe a very low-res black and white picture with a woman and#a lot of boxes full of fresh produce#which i phrased as such but then made the mistake of adding that i (due to the quality) could not make out where this was taken#which was my teachers cue to spend the next 5 minutes reprimanding me bc apparently 'THIS WOMAN HAS HER OWN STORE!' (good for her)#and by not mentioning that i was being misogynistic#so there. now you know it. i am a horrible person who uses the medium of overhead transparencies to spread misogyny.#anyway-#the truly entertaining thing was the guy who had to do the same with the next picture which was some dude selling kebab#for some reason the teacher liked him even though he constantly made fun of her#i don't know if she just didn't get it?#so he came up with the fanciest most over the top proper officialese for saying 'kebab guy'#naturally she sang the highest praises#moral of the story: when in doubt call the kebab vendor of your trust 'Fachkraft fĂźr Rollfleisch-Management'
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why did the director of our department reference that whole "theyre forcing the kids to transition!!" thing during a meeting with everyone. saying it was "justified" that parents were taking kids from public to private schools bc public school is "forcing" ideologies on children. like wtf u work for a school district, so u should know that that whole thing ISNT TRUE. no one is forcing ur kid to be trans or gay shut the hell up.
#txt 44#im pissed off. he made an off handed remark about it but everyone knew what he was saying#even if u ppl agreed or disagreed with him. it was clear whar he meant!#i was literally in public school not too long ago and no teacher ever mentioned lgbt stuff aside from maybe history class#even then it was like oh yea the gay rights/gay liberation movement and thats it no specifics
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being one of two liberals in a government class full of raging conservatives my senior year of high school was character development
#it was also like 5 girls and 20 guys and idk how that happened bc everyone at my high school had to take gov senior year#roughest part was the unit on constitutional amendments bc for each one my teacher would give us a list of statements that related to it#and weâd do four corners for all of them#as in âstand in this corner if you strongly disagree that one if you somewhat disagree that one if you strongly agreeâ etc#and then heâd pick someone in each corner to explain why they chose it#and it was literally always me (and usually my other liberal friend but not always) in one corner and EVERYONE else in the opposite one#so i was always the spokesperson for everything i believed while getting stared down by a whole class of people who believed the opposite#like yes i willingly did it iâm not gonna pretend to have different values than i do but omg it was so intimidating#lj.txt
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I just had the worst most bootlicking university class of my life what the hell
#student sitting in front of me is studying to be a cop??#teacher openly disagrees with unions???#she said people with low empathy shouldn't be allowed to be nurses#and I told her why that's wrong and she said 'no empathy is a skill' because her son is autistic and she taught him to have empathy or smth#this class is MANDATORY#I'm not going back to class I'll just scrape by with the online resources#most of my classmates said they'll do the same too#one of them walked out in the middle of class and that's so based of him
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That time all of my middle school's health/P.E. teachers decided to give us what they called a 'little moral dilemma' and gave us a worksheet that went:
"There are ten people on a boat, you can save five of them with a lifeboat. They will have to survive in the wilderness with you. Who do you save:
- a US Alpha Man marine with survival skills (he is good btw) - a boy scout leader (he has a family at home) - an olympic swimming champion (she is so strong!) - a hunter with hunting gear - a pastor - a five year old with AIDs (he's so sick btw. we will emphasize this) - a pregnant 16 year old (she's did something bad) - a healthy woman that uses drugs (but she uses drugs) - a homeless and unemployed person (he doesn't have a house) - an amputee (they're already hurt)"
and the lesson wasn't that people have unexpected skills (you think a homeless person doesn't know how to live rough?, or that a swimmer might be able to swim to land on her own?), or why people are more than what you see first. It wasn't that all people are people.
The point of that worksheet was to prove that we should reward the people who are the strongest, the healthiest, and the Most Best Moral Upstanding Citizens. There was no moral dilemma. There was no discussion or conversation.
And when I said, "Hey, maybe we should consider that all lives have value and people aren't defined by one singular "bad" characteristic," I got kicked out of the class.
Because it wasn't a moral dilemma. The morals had already been decided for us. It was a lesson we were supposed to learn.
Everyone give me the most screwed up thing that has ever happened to you in the american public school system
#core memory that haunts me daily#the way every single kid in my class said 'we should let them die. because they are at first glance not useful to us'#because even my teachers said 'if i were god i would kill the people that are like you first'#and no one. in a class of forty children and three adults. disagreed#and i went home and cried#school#me
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the teacher evaluations are absolutely priceless. Teacher evaluations appreciation post.
"Attractive bard teacher I can't remember her name."
Fig intimidating Riz into giving Eugenia all fives and him saying "Good at rogue stuff but the double fisting cigarettes was a bit much."
Fig making Porter and Zara share a form but giving Lucilla her own and Porter getting SO incensed about it.
"After all these years, still not sure if Porter is secretly evil, but smiting is so sick."
"Yeah yeah, stabby stabby" for Corsica Jones
"Strongly disagree that teacher prepared for class, but this is the way of dance. Dance is present. Dance is now. [...] Also, again, I'm so sorry. Please let me buy you a new shirt."
"Liar, frumpy, wrong."
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here's an interaction I just had:
Sibling: whenever I'm getting below a B, our parents start riding on me
Me: they didn't ride on me when I was getting a C in algebra II or precalc
My dad: well that's because you were two years ahead
My sibling: and you bitched endlessly about how bad the teachers are
Me:
Me: all I hear is excuses
#why be normal when you can mock parents#math#double standards#grades#parents#hard math classes#bad teachers are annoying#but my parents not giving me and my sibling the same treatment is worse#my sibling disagrees with me#they're telling me not to post this#imma do it anyways
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CRUSH (ushijima wakatoshi x reader)
summary: wakatoshi has a crush.
word count: 720
warnings: fem!reader, its all just fluff
tags: @keiva1000
Ushijima knows he has fans. He might be simple-minded and a little oblivious, but heâs not stupid.
He knows girls stare at him from the balcony during practice. And he can hear their giggling when he passes them in the halls. Tendou often calls him Shiratorizawaâs Golden Boy, which Ushijima wholeheartedly disagrees with, but never voices out loud. Tendou often says strange things. He doesnât mind.
Ushijima doesnât understand his popularity. Sure, he is a good player. The best ace in the prefecture. But most of these girls have no understanding of volleyball. So why are they spending hours upon hours in the stands, watching him play?
âTheyâre not watching the match, Wakatoshi-kun. They are watching you.â
Hm. Strange. His play is very consistent. Watching him do the same thing over and over has to get boring, especially when they arenât watching for the sake of the game.
But then he sees you for the first time.
You are in his third year English class. In his three years of high school, Ushijima is sure he has never seen you before. Because if he had, there was no way he would forget you.
He is curious. And a little enamored by you.
You are, by all means, a regular girl. You sit on the same chair every day, bring your own bento instead of eating from the cafeteria. It is always wrapped in a pretty multicolored patterned cloth, done up in a knot on top. You have a small stuffed cat chain on the zipper of your backpack. And you wear your hair differently every day. Some days it is tied up, some days it is let down. And some days it is half-up and half-down. You have one pink bunny hairclip that you wear maybe once every two or three days that Ushijima thinks is very cute. Your uniform is always immaculate.
There are so many tiny details about you that Ushijima has learned, and he finally understands why girls would stay hanging over the gym balcony to watch him for hours, because he could watch you for hours too.
You are very smart, he could tell. You always answer correctly when the teacher would call on you, and he has glimpsed at your notes. Simple, but neat and easy to understand, just the way he likes it. There are no crazy colors and highlighters, and your handwriting is neat and beautiful, just like the rest of you.
You are also quiet. You have a select group of friends that you talk to, and while you are nice to anyone who interacts with you, you don't go out of your way to stand out. Again, Ushijima loves that. It seems he loved everything about you. All the minor details that make you a little bit more unique to everyone else.
When you show up at his game, he nearly loses his focus.
It inât an important game by any means, just a practice match with another local university team. So why are you here? Have your friends dragged you along? Or are you here by your own volition? Ushijima feels how sweaty his palms are when he clenches his fists, and it surprises him.
Is heâŚ.. nervous?
Why? Because you are watching? How ridiculous. Ushijima has never once doubted his own strength, or his ability to win. How could your presence alter that? The thought annoys him, and he is determined to prove that you being here would not be a hindrance to his play.
Turns out, he needn't have worried. It seems your presence had sharpened his senses more than ever. Shiratorizawa won in straight sets, and of the 50 points they scored, 39 had been from Ushijimaâs hand.
âYou were on fire today, Wakatoshi-kun.â Tendou comments as the final whistle rings. Ushijima unintentionally glances at you in the stands, cheering for the team. Cheering for him.
His heart is beating a mile a minute, and he doesnât think it is because of the game he had just played. He hears Tendou let out a dreamy sigh.
âAh, the miracles of having a crush.â
He feels his lips tick up in a tiny smile as he throws a towel over his shoulders. Tendou is wrong. Ushijima doesnât think he has a crush.
He thinks he is in love.
#ushijima wakatoshi#ushijima wakatoshi x reader#ushijima wakatoshi x you#ushijima wakatoshi x y/n#ushijima wakatoshi fluff#ushijima wakatoshi fanfiction#ushijima wakatoshi fic#ushijima x reader#hq ushijima#haikyuu x reader#hq x reader#haikyuu fanfiction#hq fanfiction#haikyuu fluff#hq fluff
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TEACHER'S PET - J. YUNHO
SUMMARY : being a fan of Jane Austen's novels, you should have guessed that your attraction for complicated love stories would put you in trouble at some point. but you wouldn't have imagined that the trouble in question would be named Jeong Yunho - your favourite professor.
-> pairing : literature professor!yunho x student fem!reader
-> words count : 30.4 k
-> genre : college au, smut & angst
-> warnings (w. some spoilers of the plot) : soft!dom!yunho x sub!reader, teasing, dirty talk, praising, marking, hair pulling, doggy, protected and unprotected sex, creampie, body worship, use of 'good girl' and 'slut', oral (f. and m. receiving), deep throating, cum play, manhandling, fingering, begging, riding, semi-public sex, yunho has a big cock, hand kink, facefucking, drunk sex, yunho is calling reader angel (yes, that's a warning), age gap (8 years), mention of fwb relationship w. san, cheating, mentions of family issues, self-depreciation
+ the way i'm depicting yunho does not represent him, it's only a work of fiction.
-> 18+ content bellow, minors dni
-> reblogs and feedbacks are appreciated ! sorry for any mistakes, english is not my first language
-> author's note : should i say sorry for the enormous word count ? maybe. will i apologize ? not at all because i'm so fucking proud of this fic. it might be one of my favourite things i've ever written, i quite fell in love with reader this time lmaoo. i started the process of the plot back in january, and it took me more than 3 months to write this but it's amazing in my opinion, so i hope you'll like it as much as i loved writting it ! also that is such a detail but yes, prices are in euros in this fic because i'm french and i cannot physically write dollars and not feel weird, i'm sorry, bear with it. i should also say sorry for the angst but it don't wanna either, i already cried to myself when i put it into words, it's your turn to suffer.
-> playlist : older by isabel larosa - white mustang by lana del ray - crazy in love by sofia carlberg - middle of the night by elley duhĂŠ - reflections by the neighborhood - daddy issues by the neighborhood - babydoll by ari abdul - easier by bernard park - i love you by billie eilish
-> masterlist | ateez masterlist
Jeong Yunho had been the big sensation and the object of all conversations since he started teaching at your university. It was during your freshman year that he joined your college as the new professor of British literature. And honestly, just knowing that you wouldnât be forced to listen to an old man repeating the same story about how he almost won the Pulitzer Prize twenty years ago over and over was already a relief. But the fact that your new teacher was also very attractive did get you even more interested in his classes.Â
Of course, at first, you were like all the other girls on campus, gushing over how handsome Mr. Jeong was, and how well the suits he always wore were perfectly fitting his tall frame. But you quickly discovered a dedicated and very good professor. He helped your whole promotion to go over all the things your old teacher should have presented to you, and thanks to him, you passed your exams. So even if you couldnât ignore that he was very, very hot, you were mostly glad to have a professor as passionate as you about literature - his handsomeness was only the cherry on top.Â
Every time you had a class with him, you knew that this was about to be a good day, because they were always stimulating and never boring. And maybe, just maybe it was because you were always trying to contradict him. In your defense, Mr. Jeong always led you to approach a new subject with an interesting or controversial point of view, and you were often disagreeing, or had things to say about it. And since not many people in your class were really interested in British literature and were only here to admire your teacher for one or two hours, it was not rare for him and you to end up debating about anything and everything. And today was no exception.
â- What do you want me to say Y/N ? This is how things are, I canât change them.
- Then youâll have to convince me, Mr. Jeong.â
Your professor chuckled while shaking his head. You were always like this, always trying to get him to surrender and admit that you had the right answer. Yunho didnât really understand if it was because you liked to be right or simply because you loved a little bit of challenge, but either way, he appreciated how attentive you were to his classes, and how you were trying to question everything every single time. It was stimulating for the class, for you, and even for him.Â
â- In this precise case, it is not my job to do that. The fact that you have your opinion on the subject is a very good thing, but there is no right or wrong answer. What we are trying to do here is simply to interpret what message Poe wanted to convey, we can never be sure if our interpretation is the one he had in mind. And I would love to continue this debate but itâs time for you to go, so donât forget to read the extract of Wuthering Heights I gave you and Iâll see you next week.âÂ
You rapidly packed up your things to run back to your dorms. Friday often meant a girlâs night out with your two best friends, and you wanted to have enough time to get ready. You three always got to the same bar where you met each other, one of the first nights you went out during your first year of college. You crossed paths with Lola first, the barmaid having messed up both of your cocktail orders. And both of you clicked instantly, despite her being two years older than you. At one point, while you were dancing together, you noticed a girl alone being clearly annoyed by a guy who repeatedly tried to touch her. So your new friend and you acted like you knew her and forced the guy to go away. It turned out that the girl you had kind of saved, Dia, was in the same major as you. You ended up spending the night all together and you kept in touch after that.
And despite Lola having finished her studies before Dia and you, she stayed around the city because of her work. So once in a while, you took the opportunity to go out at the bar where you met. And tonight was one of those nights, and after the exhausting week you had, you kinda needed it anyway. Your roommate, Dajeong, helped choose your outfit and you got ready together because she was also going out with some of her friends, chatting about your days and the new rumours about the basketball team. And of course, you had to dress up a little, putting on a skimpy, little black dress that did wonders to underline the curves of your body. During these concert nights you were going to, there were always a lot of pretty attractive men playing instruments, and that kinda got you going. So you didnât put away the thought of finishing the night in someone elseâs bed.Â
Dia picked you up to go to the bar where you joined Lola and immediately ordered your favourite drink. It felt good to finally rest after the awful week you had. It all started on Monday, when you slept in and missed your first class of the morning. And because you had to rush to the second, you forgot your lunch at home and the charger of your laptop. On Thursday, you forgot about the work session you had with some of your classmates for a group project and arrived late. And finally one of your professors claimed to be disappointed in you because you handed him your assignment one hour late because you had an unplanned class at the due date. So yeah, you really needed this drink with your friends.Â
â- So I didnât warn you beforehand, but Iâm gonna sing on stage tonight !â
You looked at Lola, dumfounded, while Dia squealed excitedly beside you. Your older friend had tried to make her music known for the past year and it was finally starting to work out for her. Lola was incredibly talented, so you were certain that she would succeed and you were also very very happy for her, a big smile stretching your lips as you gave her a hug.
â- Girl ! Thatâs incredible ! Iâm so proud of you, you deserve it !â
Dia joined your hug, the three of you giggling.
â-Â Iâm so fucking exited, we were waiting for it !â
It was still a little early, but the bar was already filled with people, and even if it was still pretty cold outside, you were immediately hit by a wave of heat as soon as you stepped in. You really loved the atmosphere of these kinds of nights, where everyone was friendly because they were only there to spend a good time. Lola had to go backstage to get ready, but you quickly stumbled on some of Diaâs friends with whom you talked for a while and since the vibes matched, you decided to stay together to enjoy the concert. One guy had particularly tried to get your attention, and you werenât mad about it with how good he looked. He was very tall, and could seem intimidating but whenever he smiled or laughed, you could see how kind and sweet he was. While he was saying something to one of his friends, you quickly tapped on Diaâs shoulder.
â- Hey, whatâs the name of your friend thatâs very tall ?â
She answered you with a smirk, and mischievous glint in his eyes when she leaned towards you.
â- Why ? Does he interest you ?
- Maybe. So ?
- His nameâs Mingi. Have fun girl.â
You slapped her arm lightly, rolling your eyes at her comment. But truly, you didnât mind the playful bantering between the two of you, loving it even. You let her go back to her conversation while you offered yourself and Mingi another drink since you had finished your beer long ago. It happened that Mingi was just as interesting as you thought he would be, and you even spent the first few performances of the night simply talking with him, too immersed in the discussion to acknowledge your surroundings. Itâs only when Lola got up on stage that you started to pay attention, cheering for her after she introduced herself to the public.Â
And honestly, she nailed it, hyping the crowd like she did that for her whole life. Dia and you surely clapped and screamed for her the loudest. Lola came to you as soon as she got off the stage, hugging both of you and thanking you for coming to see her and cheering for her. She looked the happiest when she was singing, and you couldnât be more proud of her as all of Diaâs friends were congratulating and praising her. And from this point on, you didnât have many clear memories, only knowing that you got drink after drink, getting more comfortable with each one.Â
Usually, you wouldnât be all over someone you had just met, but Mingi was really a good guy, he was attractive and you were drunk, so you didnât mind the way he was kissing you shamelessly, only kissing him back and letting him roam his hands all over your body. But as always when you were tipsy, your mind was jumping from one thing to another. It didnât matter that you couldnât see neither Lola nor Dia around anymore, all you wanted was another drink right now.
â- Iâm gonna get one more beer, want one ?â
Mingi tried to stop you when you got up, stumbling a little while standing on your feet, the world spinning all around you.
â- Donât you think you already drank enough Y/N ?
- Youâre cute worrying about me ! Iâm okay ! Iâll be back in a minute !â
You were practically screaming, and even with the loud music and voices of people around you, you were very loud, making your way over to the bar while chuckling to yourself the whole time. You dropped onto one of the stools in front of the bar, ordering yourself another beer. Itâs only when you turned your head on your right side that you noticed someone you knew quite well.Â
â- Mr. Jeong !â
The said Mr. Jeong was straddled by your loud voice and even more by your body colliding with his as you kind of dropped your weight on him, circling him with your arms as if you were trying to hug him. For a few seconds, your teacher remained frozen in place, not knowing how to react, before his brain seemed to reactivate again, and pushed you off of him, holding you by your shoulders. Only a quick look at your flushed cheeks, lazy smile and glossy eyes was enough for him to guess that you were drunk.Â
â- Y/N ?Â
- Thatâs me ! What are you doing here though ? Teachers are not supposed to go out !â
Yunho couldnât help but laugh quietly at your behaviour. You were always so neat and put together during his classes, always so focused and organised. So to see you let loose like this, wearing a skimpy little dress, obviously very drunk and your speech so slurred it was actually hard to understand you, was really a shock.Â
â- Youâll be surprised to know that I have a life outside of being your teacher.â
Yunho knew that he shouldnât find the pout on your lips cute, but he did.Â
â- âm not surprised, you too hot to be a teacher.â
He blamed the alcohol for the way his heart started beating faster at your comment, and even more when you leaned against him once again, breathing in his scent.Â
â- âm so tiredâŚÂ
- Where are your friends ? Maybe they can get you home.
- Donât knowâŚâ
You were starting to feel really dizzy. And not the kind of daze when youâre just feeling the agreable effects of all the drinks you had, it was the kind of daze when youâre starting to feel bad, when your head starts to hurt and all you want is your bed and silence. Yunho tried to observe the crowd and spot the friends he usually saw you hanging with around campus, but no one was in sight. So he stood up, paying for his last drink, before helping you walk towards the exit.Â
â- Where we going ?
- Iâm driving you home. Youâre clearly drunk and you lost your friends, itâs not safe for you to stay here alone.âÂ
You were too far gone to be embarrassed about your behaviour, or to resist too much, so you let your professor drag you to his car and help you get inside, even buckling up your seat belt for you. You only find it in yourself to give him your address, and text Dia to warn her that you were getting home before dozing off. Yunho had to wake you up when he parked in front of your dorm.Â
â- Weâre here, Y/N.â
You whined, claiming you were comfortable and didnât want to move, that it was cold outside and the heat in his car was far much better. Yunho sighed while getting out of the car. Helping one of his drunk students get home was not really on his bingo card of the week, but he couldnât risk you getting in a dangerous situation. He opened the car door on your side after having taken off his jacket, handing it to you as he helped you get out of the vehicle. No words were exchanged as you put on the black leather jacket that was obviously ten times too big for you, drowning your silhouette inside of it. But you could feel the warmth that Yunhoâs body had left, and it made the cold of the wind outside less chilly.Â
â- You will be alright to get inside alone ?â
You nobbed your head, the nap you took during the way back to your dorm having sobered you up a little. Now, all you wanted was to wrap yourself in your sheets because you were starting to feel the second-hand embarrassment of this whole situation.Â
â- Thank you Mr. Jeong.
- Youâre welcome Y/N, drink water and take a lot of rest, okay ?â
You nobbed once again, feeling your cheeks heating up when he pressed your shoulder lightly. You didnât find anything to answer so you decided to simply get inside, not seeing how Yunho kept an eye on you until he was sure you got inside, and only did he drive off. When you pushed the door open, Dajeong was not back from her party yet, so you were met with a silence that instantly eased your headache. You rummaged through the drawers of the kitchen to find some painkillers and a glass of water, gulping the medication down before heading straight to your room. You hadnât the energy to take off your makeup, nor your outfit, slipping in bed with Yunhoâs jacket still on. But it smelled good, it was so warm, like a little cocoon you loved to be wrapped into. And maybe that was why you dreamed of him that night.
The days after this hell of a night, you were hit with the most terrible feeling of embarrassment and guilt youâve ever felt. Embarrassment because it was definitely what you should feel after having to be driven home by one of your teachers because you were too drunk, and at that, a very attractive and smart teacher - and also your favourite one. Also to be seen in a state like this by him had you mortified. You always tried to remain serious and professional in front of Mr. Jeong, and you never wanted your personal life to interfere like that with your studies. Guilt because he was certainly there to enjoy his own night out and you wrecked that by forcing him to look after you like a little child. You even threw a tantrum because it was too cold, and every time you saw the jacket you even had the audacity to sleep into, you felt even more bad and ashamed of yourself. You didnât even dare tell Dia and Lola who helped you get home, claiming it was only a guy you knew.Â
You also didnât want rumors to spread. They were fast to go around students, and if you handed Mr. Jeong his jacket back after his class, it would have been enough for people to believe that you two were in a relationship. So you decided to go and see him after his classes in his office, to be sure that you wouldnât be bothered. You had buried his jacket at the bottom of your bag, as if everyone had X-Ray vision and could see what was inside, walking as fast as you could through the hallways. You had done nothing wrong, but it still felt like it and you had to mentally prepare yourself for the conversation that was going to happen.Â
The door was open when you arrived at his office, but you still knocked on it lightly to signal your presence. Mr. Jeong immediately looked up from the assignments he was grading, smiling when he saw it was only you.
â- Come on in Y/N, and close the door behind you.â
You were fairly unable to utter a word, sticking to nodding your head as you did what he told you. Usually, when you came to his office, you would immediately sit down, but you didnât feel at ease at all today, too shameful to even look at Mr. Jeong in the eyes.Â
â- Do you feel better than this weekend ? You didnât seem very well yesterday either.â
The fact that he was still worrying about you was making you feel even more uncomfortable.Â
â- Uh, yes, thank you. Actually I came by to apologise for my behaviour. I was very drunk, and I didnât know what I was doing anymore. Thank you so much for driving me home, and again, Iâm sorry for how I acted and if I said anything disrespectful to you. And hereâs your jacket, I washed it for you. And again, Iâm so, so sorry.â
You got the jacket out of your bag, putting it on his desk, neatly folded. Your heart was beating unsteady and your breathing was loud. You couldnât even remember if you actually said anything weird to him, but knowing you and how you had no filter when you were wasted, you surely did. Mr. Jeong stood up to get his jacket back, hanging it on the back of his desk chair. The smile on his lips was reassuring and sweet, and he didnât seem mad at all, but you couldnât help the anxiousness from taking over you.
â- Itâs not that bad, it has already happened to everyone to be drunk and do stupid things, believe it or not, it happened to me too.
- To bother your teacher because you were completely wasted ?â
Yunho chuckled at your remark, and he was happy to see a small smile spread on your face too. You were always trying to not look him in the eyes since the beginning of the week, and you seemed very embarrassed when Yunho didnât want you to be. He did that out of kindness, because you were one of his favourite students and also because he couldnât let you alone when you were in this state, he couldnât have looked at himself in a mirror if he had let you without anyone to look after you when you were so vulnerable.Â
â- Maybe not, but you get my point. It didnât bother me, and you didnât say anything strange, donât worry. We can just forget all about that if you prefer, but I can assure you that you did not do anything wrong Y/N, Iâm just happy I was able to get you home safely.â
Your shoulders immediately relaxed, and it was as if you could breathe more easily. You knew that your professor was honest, that he wouldnât lie to you about something like that.Â
â- Thank you so much for taking care of me. I gotta go for my next class now, but really, Iâm very grateful Mr. Jeong.
- No problem, just be more careful next time.
- Of course. Have a good day !â
He greeted you back, watching as you left his office and closed the door behind you. And finally, Yunho allowed himself to slump back in his desk chair, sighing loudly. He didnât lie to you, didnât tell you that to make you feel better. Except the fact that you did say that you found him hot. That compliment really messed up with his mind. You were always so serious and focused during his classes, and of course, it was obvious you wouldnât spend your weekends locked up in your room, but seeing you like this was so new, so unusual. The way you looked at him, the way you touched him, the way your dress was riding your thighs up, the way his jacket was now smelling like your intoxicating perfume - the scent of you invading the room little by little. Everything about this was making him see you in a whole different light.Â
The only thing Yunho promised himself when he became a professor was to never, ever, find one of his students attractive. Maybe it was because he was young, and much closer to your age when he started teaching, and that he quickly noticed the eyes some of the girls were giving him. Anyway, he swore on his dignity and morals that he would never have this type of thoughts about a student. But now that he got to see you in your skimpy black dress, which was hugging every one of your curves perfectly, while looking him in the eyes and confessing how hot he was may have him reconsidering his decision.
He knew he shouldnât see you this way, he knew he shouldnât search your profile on instagram, knew that he shouldnât look at your photos nor check you out in your pretty little outfits that you loved to post. But he did it anyway, scrolling through your account as if he was a teenager all over again. And when he stumbled over the photos you posted this summer, body on display in your little bikinis, he knew he had to stop before his thoughts started to drift to places he shouldnât. Because it was dirty, it was disgusting and he shouldnât think about you, his student, this way. This should have been enough to stop his mind from going back to this night, but it didnât. And Yunho felt incredibly bad for not being able to control himself.
You felt a little better since your conversation with Mr. Jeong, reassured that you did not say anything weird to him, and that you havenât made him uncomfortable. That didnât ease your mind from the fact that you slept in his jacket and even had the nerves to feel cosy because you were surrounded by his scent. But you tried your best to forget it all, just like he advised you to, even if you had to be honest and admit that you did often think about the way he held you by your waist when he helped you walk to his car.Â
You shook your head as you tried to concentrate back on the synopsis of the book you had in hand right now. You decided to go to a book shop with Dia this afternoon after your classes. It was something you loved to do together from time to time, always promising yourself that you wonât buy anything but coming back home with at least one new book anyway. You were not paying attention to your surroundings, entirely focused on the book you were looking at, and you didnât feel it when someone came up behind you.Â
â- I see that youâre very dedicated to my classes Y/N.â
You turned around quickly, not needing to see him to recognize the familiar voice of your teacher. He was standing there, dressed more casually than the usual suits he was always wearing for class, only in black pants and a creamy sweater. You tried not to make the blush on your face obvious as you composed yourself before answering.Â
â- Well, your recommendations are always great Mr. Jeong, so I might listen to you once again. But only if it gets me one bonus point on my next assignment.â
Yunho couldnât help the cheeky smile that spreaded on his face whenever you teased him. It wasnât the behaviour students should have towards their teacher, but he liked it too much to ask you to stop.Â
â- You know very well that I donât get corrupted this easily.Â
- And if I bring you some chocolate ?
- Then I might reconsider your proposal.â
You were ready to add something when you were interrupted by the loud ringtone of your phone. You excused yourself and turned around to answer the call. Yunho didnât mean to eavesdrop on your conversation with a certain âSannieâ, but at the same time, if it was that private, you wouldâve walked away, right ? He wondered if you were used to giving surnames like that to every one of your friends or if this guy could be your boyfriend. But why would that interest him in the first place anyway ? It wasnât like he cared if you were single or taken. And it was none of his business, but still, the question slipped past his lips when you hung up.Â
â- Was that your boyfriend ?
- Oh, no, not at all ! San is my best friend, he has been since we were kids.â
Yunho only nodded, already feeling the second-hand embarrassment of asking such a personal and inappropriate question. He needed to get out of here so you didnât notice the way his ears were heating up, and you gave him the perfect opportunity to do just that.Â
â- I have to go but Iâll get this one.Â
- Feel free to share your thoughts about it.Â
- Iâll do it, thank you. Have a good day Mr. Jeong.Â
- You too Y/N.â
And you left with a warm smile, asking yourself if you would have a stranger interaction than this one in your life. How come that one of the most handsome men youâve ever met, who also happened to be your teacher, wanted to know about your love life ? You didnât know how to handle this fact, didnât know why he asked you that either. But it was messing with your head, making you think about things you shouldnât, about things you never even considered before this night. Well, that was a bit of lying to yourself. Because you did think about him in this light before, did dream about him touching you in such inappropriate ways for a teacher and his student. But you pushed these thoughts away, not ready to dig into why he was making you feel like that and wouldnât leave your mind. Â
And Yunho couldnât help thinking the same : how he didnât see you like that before having you all pliant in his hold, before seeing you wearing your little black dress, before hearing you calling him hot. But if he was honest with himself, he did think that you were pretty during the first class you had with him. He did think on numerous occasions that you were smart and the kind of person he would love to go out with. But he couldnât. Because he was your teacher, and because he was a lot much older than you. It would be inappropriate.Â
Even with all of these considerations in mind, Yunho couldnât stop himself from stealing glances at you every time you stepped a foot into his classroom. He tried to be as subtle as possible because he didn't want to make this situation even weirder than it already was, especially for you. Little did he know you did the same, observing him every time he wasnât looking your way, struggling to not blush whenever you felt his eyes on you. And Yunho kept telling himself that he couldnât do that, that it was not right to look at you the way he did, to think about the things he was thinking about every time his eyes landed on you. But he couldnât stop it. It felt wrong, but for some kind of reason, he was unable to forget about you.Â
â- Did the Mr. Jeong hype finally get to your head ?â
You wiped your head towards Dia, heart beating unsteady. She couldnât know about what happened almost three weeks ago, right ? No she couldn't have guessed, except maybe if someone saw him driving you home. But your friend only chuckled and slapped your arm when she saw the defeated expression on your face.
â- You look like you saw a ghost ! Itâs alright bestie, I wouldnât judge you for finding him handsome, itâs a fact everyone already established.
- Why are you saying that now ?
- Because youâve become very distracted whenever we have classes with him, and you donât participate as much as before. Is it because you finally see him like we all do ?â
You groaned and shook your head, but Dia was too close to the truth to not unsettle you. You knew that you did nothing wrong, that it was normal to think that your obviously very attractive teacher was, in fact, very attractive. But you couldnât kill the guilt creeping in every time you looked at his hands handing back the papers a little too long, or when you caught yourself wondering if his skin smelt as good as his leather jacket did.Â
â- First, Iâve never said that he isnât good looking, and second, I have enough decency to not drool over him during said classes.â
Lie. It was a complete lie. But Dia didnât need to know that. She didnât need to know that your professor had invaded your thoughts in a way you didnât think would be possible, and in a way that was definitely not appropriate.Â
â- Decency doesnât exist when he enters the equation.â
She was not entirely wrong, but you couldnât let her win, because it would be like admitting to yourself that you did thirst over your teacher, more than you would like to. Luckily for you, Yunho quickly started his class and strangely enough, for the first time since the bar incident, you succeeded in following everything he was saying and not getting too distracted by his hands, or by his smile.Â
â- Before I let you go, I wanted to inform you that I decided to create a debate club. Iâm aware of what you must all think about these : that they are boring and never pick the subjects you want to discuss. Thatâs why youâll be the ones to propose the subjects we will tackle, and youâll be free to talk about anything you want. It can be music, politics, literature - anything. As long as you respect each othersâ opinions, itâs okay for me. If youâre interested, write your name on the sheet on my desk before leaving and thatâs all for today. Thank you for your attention, and have a good day.â
Conversations about Mr. Jeongâs propositions were already erupting all around the classroom. You spotted some serious students you already had study sessions with writing down their names, and a bunch of girls who just wanted to check out the teacher for one more hour per week. Dia already warned you that she didnât have the time to engage in such activities, but you thought it couldnât be that bad of an idea. After all, you really loved to discuss with people, and this was the perfect occasion to do so. And no, it was not because your professor will be there. Not at all. It only happened that he will animate the whole thing, it was only a coincidence. You got a pen out of your bag and started to write down your name when his now familiar voice interrupted you.
â- I couldâve bet on this.â
You didnât dare lift your head and meet his gaze, because locking eyes with him in class was one thing - he was far away from you - but having him so close to you suddenly made you nervous.Â
â- Am I so predictable ?
- A little, but Iâm not complaining. I know that at least one person will actually come and that I will not be alone.â
This time, you had no other choice but to look at him as you had finished writing your name and had no excuse to look at the piece of paper anymore. You knew you shouldnât feel like this, but your heart still missed a beat when your eyes finally dived into his. You quickly avoided his gaze, pretending to put your pen back in your bag while you searched in your brain to offer him a clever response.Â
â- You know me, Iâm always here when it comes to debating.Â
- I wouldnât have expected less from you Y/N.â
The way he said your name shouldnât have made you blush, but it did. You rapidly excused yourself before literally running away from the classroom and all these feelings that shouldnât invade your mind. It even made you hesitate on your decision to join the debate club. But you didnât want Mr. Jeong to think that you were not serious. So you went anyway. And even if, as you predicted, not that many people showed up, you still had a good time. You were even able to not think about him in ways you shouldnât too often. That was until he insisted on giving you all his personal phone number, so he could organise things more easily and give you the opportunity to see museums or expositions you could later discuss on. That was a perfectly sensible decision, obviously.
However, that night when you laid in your bed and couldnât fall asleep, your fingers hovered over his contact. It was stupid to even think about it. Why would you even send him a text ? And to say what ? Ask him if he had a good day ? Or if he planned anything for the next reunion ? It was stupid, yeah. But you were one click away from sending a text. You threw your phone to the other side of your bed, running your hands over your face. You were so stupid. Stupid for thinking about Jeong Yunho as anything else than your teacher, stupid for thinking that he would even look your way, stupid for thinking that you were any different from all the girls who were swooning over him. You were just like them and even worse.Â
The next meeting with the debate club came too quickly for your liking as you were not mentally prepared enough to see the teacher you couldnât help thinking about all day long. But this was not what occupied your mind today. No. It was this one girl who thought that she was always right just because she said so. Ever since Mr. Jeong announced that the subject was going to be about music and the sense of community it could create, she hadn't shut up, interrupting everyone as if her opinion was more important. And she wouldnât stop whining about the fact that music was too commercial these days and that there was nothing original anymore, when her playlist was essentially composed of trending songs and Taylor Swift (not that you had something against the girl, you loved some of her songs, but she was far from not being commercial.) And when you tried to argue that, no, music was not only commercial, that there were still good artists and groups that did it because they truly enjoyed and loved making music, she would get mad. Everytime someone else would defend your point of view, she would accuse them of teaming up against her.Â
And you were actually a little mad at your teacher for not jumping in and telling something to this girl who was clearly being unreasonable. You ended up saying that you didnât want to talk anymore, because even if you were not one to give up, you clearly noticed that you couldnât win this time. You spent the rest of the debate sulking and stealing glances at Mr. Jeong, who was just observing the chaos. You didnât understand why he would not intervene, and yes, you got that he wanted to let everyone express their opinions, but was it relevant in this case ? You packed up your things rather quickly ; this whole situation put you into a bad mood, and you just wanted to forget it.Â
â- Y/N ? Are you alright ?â
His voice straddled you as he came closer to you, letting all the other students go out behind the two of you.
â- Oh, uh, yeah, Iâm good. Just a little frustrated, but itâs alright.
- I understand, but this moment is also made for that, even if youâre not agreeing with her, you have to respect it.Â
- I know, I donât have a problem with her not being on my side, I just donât like it when people victimise themselves to make me feel bad and let them have the last word. Thatâs not what a debate is about.â
You tried to stay focused on your bottle of water in your hands, and to not stare at him too much. He was wearing one of his black suits once more, and even more since the bar incident, it was doing something to you.Â
â- Well, I canât say youâre wrong, but not everyone here is as mature as you are. You have to take it into consideration. And it is by talking with people like you that people like her will get it and grow up.â
You shrugged, turning your head to the side because you couldnât hold his gaze anymore. You knew deep down that he was right, but you were too frustrated to admit it right now.Â
â- Iâll let you sleep on that Y/N, but donât let it deter you from coming next time, your interventions are important and I value them. A lot.â
You nodded before saying your goodbyes and quite literally running away from him, once again. He couldnât make you feel so frustrated you wanted to break something, and the next second made your heart beat like crazy. Because his words surely did. You knew by the way he was often relying on your answers in class that he must appreciate you as a student, but to be aware that he also liked who you were as a person was something else. It was getting bad, really bad, because you couldnât keep under control the feelings he made appear in you. And you knew it was wrong, knew that he was your teacher, knew that he probably - surely - didnât feel the same, but you were already in too deep.Â
And Yunho couldnât help thinking the same as he watched you go away. He shouldnât feel such attraction for his students, and he shouldnât try to get closer to you, and he shouldnât try to do all these things that led you to be alone with him. But still, he chose the next subject because he knew he would get a reaction out of you, because he knew it would get you all passionate about it and he loved when you were like this.Â
He didnât miss his shot because you were the first to talk when he announced that todayâs session will be about Jane Austen and feminism. Yunho knew she was one of your favourite authors as you often quoted her in your assignments and used her novels as examples, so he was even aware of your opinion on them. Thus as he was regularly doing during his classes, he decided to go against your views, just to see how you would react. It was wrong to do it only to see you get passionate and involved and slightly mad at him - because you both knew that he already told you that he agreed with your ideas.Â
â- I understand what youâre saying Y/N, but the fact that Austen never got married but still insisted on talking about marriage in every one of her novels could also show that it was a dream of hers, and not feminism.â
Again, you were feeling so frustrated against your teacher. But this time, it was directed straight to him. You couldnât figure out why he would do this, nor why he was so dedicated to debating with you in particular, and not with all the other students that were agreeing with you.Â
â- On this aspect, her personal life has nothing to do with it. On the contrary, it reinforces what sheâs showing. In Pride and Prejudice for example, Lizzie doesnât accept Darcyâs proposal until he changes and really proves that he loves her. Plus Darcy doesnât do all these things so she would agree to marry him, he does it only because he loves her truly. She depicts marriage as something you should do out of love, the only happy marriages in her novels are the ones where the two parties are in love with each other. Like Jane and Bingley, and you can contrast with Lydia and Wickham and how their union is never shown as a good thing, for either them or the Bennetsâ. I think she never got married because she despised the men of her era, and that they wouldnât meet her expectations, because she wanted a marriage of love, not of arrangement, or relationships or money. Thatâs why she is showing them so much in her books, because it reflects how she didnât like the view on marriages during the Victorian era and the sexism she was surely enduring because of her being a writer and not trying to hide it.â
You barely breathed in between your sentences, and when you finally stopped talking, you felt like you just ran a marathon. Mr. Jeongâs gaze never left yours as you spoke, and the intensity of it was making butterflies come alive in your stomach. It was as if you could feel the tension emanating from him, from his eyes staring down at you. He seemed to snap out of his haze when someone voiced out their agreements to your little speech. And after that, he quieted down just as you did. But you could still feel him stealing glances at you, and you couldnât help doing the same.Â
He was wearing another one of his suits - a three piece grey suit, with thin, white strips on it. He had let go of the jacket a long while ago, and had rolled the sleeves of his shirt up his forearms. And you knew you shouldnât find that attractive, but you did. You did and it was wrong ; because he was your teacher, and because you were supposed to be a little mad at him for refuting the obvious.Â
So like a replay of last week, you stayed back, taking your time to pack up your things and waiting until everybody else left to talk to him one on one. Maybe it wasnât what a good and well behaved student should do, maybe it wasnât the most appropriate thing to do when you were feeling so attracted to him. Maybe. But you still carried on with your plan, trying to not get distracted by his handsome face, and his pretty hands arranging some papers on his desk.Â
â- Why do you keep on pushing me to justify myself like that ? Itâs embarrassing, and everyone was so silent afterwards, it was as if I said something wrong, and itâs not agreeable to feel like you are being ridiculous.â
You never had enough nerves to talk to one of your professors like that, but maybe it was the fact that you had a pretty shitty week, or that the way he was looking at you had you feeling some ways you didnât want to, but you felt a sudden rush of energy and courage coursing through your veins.
â- You did not say anything stupid Y/N, it was very clever on the contrary. And the reason I keep doing that is because I know you have it in you to argue with me and produce this kind of well organised speech. Thatâs where I want to bring all of my students, but you can always improve and develop your skills. This is what Iâm training you for.
- Iâm not practising to go to war, Mr. Jeong. All this is not necessary if it makes us feel bad. And why would you do that in front of other students when we already talked about this in class and they all saw you agree with me ?Â
- I told you, itâs only because I want you to be able to justify your answers with precise examples like you did today, because itâs important for your future assignments, for your thesis and even just in everyday life.Â
- But you know Iâm already able to do all that, so why would you seek out my responses everytime ? It feels like youâre targeting me.â
Your cheeks were heating up as time went on, not only because you felt hot from the way all his attention was entirely focused on you, but also because you were so frustrated you couldâve yelled at him. But you had to remind yourself that he was your teacher and that you couldnât be that disrespectful, that this was the closest you could get to having an argument with him without getting kicked out of your university. He had come closer to you as the discussion progressed, and the sudden proximity between your two bodies didnât help with your red cheeks.Â
â- Yes, Iâm targeting you, because I know youâre capable of coming up with things like this, and that you teach a lot to other people by doing so. I love to see you being passionate and invested in the subjects youâre talking about, it makes it fluid to listen to and to understand. Plus, thatâs a debate club, disagreeing with you is my job here.â
You wanted to stay calm and collected so bad, wanted to stay as composed as he always was but you couldnât help how he heightened all your emotions by his mere presence. And the compliments he was giving you didnât help you relax either.Â
â- Yes, okay, but not when you said you approved my views two weeks ago just to change your mind now and make me look like Iâve been talking nonsense all this time.Â
- Donât rely on me and my opinions Y/N, rely on you and what youâre thinking. Do not let other people dictate what you should think on a subject you know and love.Â
- I know that, Iâm not dumb, but youâre not just everyone else. Youâre my teacher and you know what youâre talking about while I donât. Iâm only making assumptions and theories when you give us facts. Itâs not the same.Â
-Â I donât know it all, what we're making when talking about books and authors who are not here to confirm or deny is always assumptions. You know that I agree with what you said, you know my opinion on Austen and thatâs all that matters.Â
- But you made it look like what I was saying was irrelevant, you made me look like a fool and I donât like it, especially when itâs coming from you.â
The two of you had gotten closer and closer, and you were now facing each other, with nothing in between to separate you anymore. Suddenly, you felt an overwhelming need to breathe in his scent, to take the step ahead that was distancing you from him and cut off the act.Â
â- What do you mean especially when itâs coming from me ?â
Your breath accelerated when Yunho stepped forward one more time, getting way much closer than decency would allow. But you didnât make any movement to escape. Because deep down, you wanted this, you craved this. You saw his hand coming up to your face before feeling his fingers brushing against the skin covering your jaw, leading you to raise your head and dive into his eyes. Youâve never seen him from this angle, but with the light of the late afternoon casting shadows on his face, he had never looked prettier.
â- I asked you a question, Y/N.
- I⌠Itâs inappropriate, I shouldnât say it, I shouldnât even think about it.â
Despite your words that should deter him from going any further, he swiped his thumb across your bottom lip, smearing your lip gloss. You could hear your own heart beating, aware of every breath you took and every movement of your body. When your eyes met his once again, it was as if adrenaline was spreading through your veins, a sensation that gave you the impression that you were flying. Your gaze flicked down to his lips one second too long for him not to notice and that was Yunhoâs last straw as he let his hands drop down to your waist.Â
â- I donât think I should think about what is on my mind right now either.â
As if it was the hint you needed, you grabbed his neck to pull him down to your level. Your lips brushed against his one time, and the next time they met, it was for a real kiss. Yunho squeezed your waist tighter, tugging you closer to him as he let his desire take over his reason. He shouldnât do that, but your lips tasted like the vanilla chapstick you were always putting on during his classes and that he was dying inside to kiss away.Â
It was like your mouth had a mind on its own, kissing your teacher like your life depended on it. You werenât thinking about the fact that anybody could come in and interrupt you, you werenât thinking about the fact that what you were doing was forbidden. All you felt was the softness of his hair between your fingers, his large hands on your lower back, and his tongue playing with yours. It all felt too good to stop.Â
â- Where are you going ?â
You were putting on your shoes when Dajeongâs voice interrupted you, a knowing smile on her lips. She knew very well where you were going every time you left late at night, during the weekends, she just wanted to tease you.
â- San invited me over, Iâm gonna stay the night.
- Of course you are.â
She gave you a little slap on your ass before going back to the series she was watching on the living room TV. Usually, you wouldâve laughed or been as excited as her to see your friend but not today. When San had proposed to you to come to his apartment to fool around, you werenât surprised. It happened often, when neither of you wanted to be alone, when you needed someone to relieve the pressure. And most of the time, you really enjoyed the time you spent together, fooling around without any feelings. But tonight, it was for more selfish reasons that you said yes.Â
Because when San was touching you, you were only able to think back to how Yunhoâs fingers squeezing your waist felt. And when he kissed you, you could only think back to the way Yunhoâs lips made your whole body come alive again. And when he fucked you, you wished it could be Yunho instead. You felt bad, both because you were using your friend to quit thinking about someone else, and because that someone else was your teacher.Â
It shouldnât have felt so good to kiss him, it shouldnât have sparked a flame and made you crave more, it shouldnât have made you want to drop to your knees for him. You shouldâve been disgusted with yourself and what you did, you shouldâve been apologising to him the very next day. But you couldnât bring yourself to hate this moment, nor to forget it. It was engraved in your memory, enough for you to search him up on social media even when San was holding you in his arms, both of you still naked. It was wrong, once again, but you already crossed the line too many times to count, so who cared anymore ?
For a few weeks, you didnât even dare to look at him too long, afraid to remember once again how delicious his lips felt on yours. And you didnât feel his eyes following your every movement like you grew used to. It felt weird, to not have his gaze focused on you, and to see him avert even looking your way during each one of his classes. You stopped going to the debate class, and you stopped answering every one of his questions during lectures.Â
And Yunho felt like he had fucked everything up. He shouldâve stopped when he started to be attracted to you. He shouldâve stopped when he started to seek out your presence even more. He shouldâve stopped before kissing you. After you ran away last time, he considered sending you a text to apologise, and ask you to not say anything about what happened. But he didnât, he wanted to let you breathe and have some time for yourself. Except that he started to get worried about the situation. You hadnât tried to talk about it with him, you hadnât come to the debate class since this incident. He spent all his time trying to figure out how to handle the mess he created. That was the question going through his mind once more when you stepped into his classroom for the debate club, looking around to see that no one except you and him were here.Â
â- Uh⌠Iâm sorry, did I miss something ?â
Yunho turned to you, and for the first time in weeks, he really looked at you, taking in your silhouette and your outfit - one of the little skirts you loved so much, and your signature black, thigh boots. He shouldâve been stressed to see you again, anxious to have to talk to you about this kiss. But instead he felt relief wash over him, and it was like he could breathe again. He looked down at the paper covering his usually organised desk, realising that he had to answer you, even if his voice was shaking a little.Â
â- I cancelled todayâs reunion, I wasnât feeling very well.â
You nodded your head, looking around the classroom as if you were searching for something. You debated in your head if you should address the subject with your teacher or not. You were too nervous to talk about it, afraid that he would act like it didnât ever happen, or worse, as if it didnât mean anything to him. You were about to go away, to run away, like the other time, when you heard his voice behind you, loud and clear.Â
â- Wait ! Please, wait. We need to talk.â
You hesitated for a few moments, your hand hovering above the doorknob. Yunho saw your arm drop by your side before you turned around, taking some steps in his direction, and he was already relieved that you werenât going to find him disgusting or scream at him. He didnât need much time to figure out what he was going to tell you, having replayed this exact scene again and again in his head, too many times for his own good.Â
â- I have to apologise for what happened last time. It was never my intention to make you feel uncomfortable, or to scare you away. And Iâm also sorry for kissing you like that, it was wrong of me, I shouldâve never done that. We can forget all about it, or you can do whatever you want because Iâve done enough to make things worse.â
You stayed silent, for seconds that felt like hours for Yunho. He prayed inside that you were going to forgive him, that you were going to tell him that it was okay, that you would simply not talk about it ever again and let him feel guilty about this for the rest of his life.Â
â- Itâs okay Mr. Jeong, it was a mistake, it couldâve happened to everyone. And I have some parts to take in this too. But I understand. It was a mistake anyway, it didnât mean anything.âÂ
It didnât mean anything. These were the words he unconsciously hoped you wouldnât pronounce. Because even if he tried to deny it, it meant something to him. It meant so much that he couldnât stop thinking about it. It meant so much that everytime he sat at his desk, he thought back to the moment he kissed you. It meant so much that even weeks later, he still didnât forget the taste of your lips, the feeling of having you so close to him. And he craved it. He needed it again.Â
â- Itâs okay if you want to think about it as a mistake.
- Why are you saying that ?
- Because for me it wasnât.â
His eyes crossed yours, enough for him to see this little spark he noticed before he captured your lips last time. Maybe it wasnât only a mistake for you either. Maybe he didnât fuck it all up. Maybe he still had a chance to make this right, if there was any way to make all of this right.
â- It did mean something to me. I⌠I haven't stopped thinking about it. I canât focus on anything else other than you.â
It was as if your breath was knocked out of your lungs again. He did that too much lately. But the intensity with which he was staring at you and your lips, and his confession had your heart feeling weak. And surely, you shouldnât indulge in your fantasy. Surely, you shouldnât let yourself get seduced by your teacher. But you were already in too deep, and you couldnât ignore anymore the way he was making you feel.Â
â- I canât either. I think⌠I think you should kiss me again, maybe itâll help.
- Maybe youâre right.â
Yunho bypassed his desk, and you joined him, throwing yourself in his arms. He cradled your face between his hands, and this time he didnât hesitate when he put his lips on yours, sighing in relief when the taste of your vanilla chapstick invaded his senses again. And the way you were tugging at his suit jacket to pull him closer to you told him everything he needed to know.Â
â- Fuck⌠I missed you so bad Y/N, thought I had messed up everything.â
You stared up at him, now able to see the lust, the desire he had for you going through his brown eyes, and it made your inside flip. You had dreamt about this so much, even if you wouldâve rather died than admitted it. But it was true. You were dreaming about having him so close to you, about having him tell you how much he wanted you, about having him just like this.Â
â- You didnât, not at all.â
That was all the talking that was made. Because you already talked too much, and even if he loved hearing your soft voice, all Yunho needed right now was to taste you again, to drown himself in your body and your addicting, intoxicating scent. You didnât stop him when he reached for your thighs to lift you up and drop you on his desk, not caring about the assignments sheets you were sitting on.Â
You discovered the way his lips against yours felt again, savoured the way his tongue played with yours again. And you loved it just as much as the first time, maybe even more. Because this time, you were truly desperate to feel as much as him as possible. You reached to grab his waist, spreading your legs and bringing him even closer to you. And Yunho complied, because he was just as desperate to finally have you all for himself. He let his hands wander from your back to your thighs, and feeling up your bare skin under his fingers was already driving him crazy.Â
You tilted your head to the side when Yunho displaced his kisses from the corner of your mouth, to your jawline and then the side of your neck. He was almost devouring you, but you werenât complaining : it was exactly what you wanted, exactly what you needed. You felt his hands creep up higher, reaching for the hem of your skirt, and his hot breath hitting the now wet skin of your neck.Â
â- Do you know how bad I wanted to do this every time you walked in my classroom wearing those skirts and these boots ? Do you know how hard it was to not think about doing exactly that whenever you were looking at me ?â
You let out a moan, not really knowing if it was because of what he just told you or because of the fact that he just gave you a hickey. Your heart was beating too fast, adrenaline rushing through your veins as Yunho kissed down your clothed-covered body, making his way to where his hands were still laying. But it was only when he dropped on his knees and pushed your legs apart some more that you realised what he was doing, your words getting stuck in your throat and being replaced by a pathetic whimper when he kissed the inside of your left thigh instead.
â- Is that okay ?
- Y-Yes Mr. Jeong.
- Call me Yunho, will you ?â
You quickly nodded your head, already far too gone because of his feather like touch everywhere except where you needed him the most.Â
â- Good girl.â
And as if it wasnât already enough to get another noise out of you, he pushed your skirt higher up your thighs, revealing your soaked panties to his hungry gaze. Immediately, he dived in, licking a strip of your arousal through the material of your underwear. This time, another moan escaped you and it encouraged Yunho to push the piece of clothing to the side and taste your juices for real. The groan he let out against your folds had you shivering ang trying to close your legs around his head. But he was holding them with an iron grip, making it impossible for you to move.Â
You threw your head back when he sucked on your clit for the first time, one of your hands flying to take a hold of his hair, keeping him just where he was. He ate you out just like he kissed you - hungrily, like a starved man, like it was his last meal. And you were loving it all, trying to keep down your noises because anyone walking by the classroom could hear you and decide to walk in, and you could get in trouble. But the thrill of getting caught was making everything feel so much better.Â
â- Feeling good, angel ?
- Yes, so good, donât stop pleaseâŚâ
The nickname had your legs trembling in no time, and the way he was lapping at your cunt had you close to the edge already. You could feel your pussy clenching around nothing as he sucked on your clit again, making more of your juices come out that he didnât waste any time licking up. The force with which he was holding your thighs open made you wonder if he could use the same strength to put you in all the positions he wished, if he would use the same strength on you to make you unable to move and fuck you until you passed out.Â
â- Yunho⌠Iâm closeâŚâ
He hummed against you, doubling his efforts to bring you to the edge. He didnât need to do much, because you had been waiting for this for too long, and because he felt too good to resist. As you felt your orgasm wash over you, your hand that wasnât busy in his hair gripped the first things you could reach - one of the paper scattered on his desk, and you couldnât even feel guilty about the way you crumpled it between your fingers, the rush of pleasure taking over you so strongly you couldnât bring yourself to care about anything else.Â
When you had regained enough consciousness for your legs to support your weight again, Yunho helped you come down off his desk, his hands not leaving your waist even when you were standing in front of him. You smiled when you saw how much you had messed up his hair, as they were going in every direction, and you tried to smother it a little.Â
â- Let me see you this week-end if you are free. I want us to talk, and I want to take my time with you, make you understand everything you make me feel.â
And you agreed. Of course. But you started to regret it when you found yourself all alone, in the room of the hotel Yunho had sent you the address of. You were aware that you couldnât just welcome him at your dorm, or go to his apartment either, because there were risks that someone would recognize you. So here you were, waiting for him. Despite what had happened earlier this week, it still felt incredibly wrong to be there, to do what you were about to do. You looked around the room, where nothing felt familiar and everything felt odd, as if you shouldnât be here. You were almost ready to leave when the door opened and Yunho entered.Â
He was dressed in a pair of black pants, some sneakers and a beige pullover. His casual outfit clashed with the slightly revealing white dress you were wearing underneath your trench. And you felt ridiculous for thinking that putting on something like this was appropriate, though nothing about this situation was appropriate.Â
â- Iâm sorry, I couldnât find anywhere to park my car.â
Yunhoâs voice broke down the heavy silence hanging in the air, but it didnât dissipate the strange atmosphere. The room was filled with tension, with unspoken words, with something dangerous and forbidden, but so tempting.Â
â- Itâs okay, I havenât been here for long.â
The moment was awkward, neither one of you knowing what to do with themselves. You couldnât tell him that you were about to leave when he arrived. And he couldn't tell you that the real reason he was late was because he hesitated before coming. But all it took was one eye contact, one look a little too insistent at each other for your lips to find themselves once again, as if they knew better than yourselves what you wanted. And suddenly, nothing felt weird anymore, nothing felt wrong anymore, and everything was finally fitting perfectly - from the way he was holding your waist, to the way the skin of his neck felt under your fingertips.Â
â- I missed you.â
The words he whispered against your lips made you feel everything youâve been needing without knowing it. And you thought that maybe, this wasnât such a big mistake. And when Yunhoâs hands found their way underneath the skirt of your dress to caress the soft skin of your plush thighs, your brain disconnected, letting your emotions control you instead. You got rid of your trench, the material falling to the ground and soon joined by his jacket. You didnât resist when he grabbed you by your waist to hold you flush against him and kiss you again, finally letting your hands slip under the hem of his pullover and touching his skin. Once again, the way he was kissing you left you dizzy, unable to think about anything other than him.Â
â- This dressâŚÂ
- Do you like it ? Or is it too much ?
- Fuck, no, itâsâŚâ
He took another look at the way the white tissue was hugging all your curves just right, underlining your silhouette and making you look like an angel. And the fact that you dressed up just for him made his hunger for you grow even more. So when he felt the urge to kiss you again, and again, and again, he gave into it, like he had wanted to for so much longer than he thought.Â
â- Itâs perfect, youâre beautiful.â
You wanted to compliment him right back, but he didnât give you enough time to do so, mingling his tongue with yours instead. And you didnât complain, because you couldnât get enough of the taste of his lips, of the way his big hands were guiding you to sit on the bed, of the way he was looking at you. You watched closely as he got on his knees to get you rid of these thigh boots that were driving him crazy. Then, he helped you out of your dress, revealing your white lingerie set.Â
You thought you wouldâve been shy, or embarrassed to let him see you like this. But all you felt right now was desire, and confidence. You smiled when you saw him lick his lips while staring down at your body, and while he wasnât paying attention, you started to unbuckle his belt. Yunho let you do what you wanted, obeying when you asked him to take off his pullover. When you managed to get rid of his pants, you finally allowed yourself to properly drool over him.
You looked up at him from your sitting position on the bed, while he was still standing in between your legs. It was like crossing his gaze at this precise moment made you realise how real all of this was, and you were hit with the fact that you were really going to fuck with your teacher. But you couldnât find it in you to fight the feeling anymore. It was too late anyway, you couldnât go back even if you wanted to.Â
So you did nothing to stop him when Yunho pushed your shoulders so you would lay on the bed. You did nothing to stop him when he started to kiss your neck and covered the skin in his marks. You did nothing to stop him when his hands began to roam all around your body because he couldnât choose only one spot to touch and focus on, because he needed all of you.Â
â- I thought you wanted to talk.â
But with the way your fingers were threading through his hair as he massaged your breast over your bra, you definitely werenât up to talk either.Â
â- Weâre gonna talk, but after Iâve fucked you.â
He punctuated his sentence by pushing your boobs out of your bra and leaning down to suck on your right nipple. And you couldnât contradict him when all you were able to do was moan and ask for more. Yunho slowly made his way down to your panties, kissing every part of your exposed skin until he could remember every mole and imperfection of your body. And by the time he took off your underwear, you were already dripping wet and you couldnât breathe properly anymore.Â
â- Please Yunho, please donât teaseâŚ
- Whyâs that angel ? You need me that bad ?
- Yes, yes I need you, I want you.â
Finally hearing it from you and not from the dreams he was making did it for Yunho as he searched for a condom in his jacketâs pocket, while you were throwing away the last pieces of clothing separating your skin from his. And you couldnât help admiring him and his tall frame, his sculpted back, the veins in his hands and arms, his abs slightly peaking out. Everything about him, every inch of him was perfect, made by the Gods.Â
And you couldnât tear your eyes away from his cock either, following his every movement as he got rid of his boxers and put the condom on. It was big, but just as pretty as him, and you already knew he would fill you up just right. When he was close enough to the bed again, you grabbed his hands, pulling him to lay on top of you and kissing him like it was the last time you could taste his lips.Â
â- Please Yunho, fuck meâŚâ
And he couldnât do anything else than do it, sliding right in with how wet you were even if you could still feel the way his cock was stretching you out. But you couldnât help the moan escaping you when he bottomed out, nor could Yunho stop himself from groaning at how tight you were clenching around him.Â
â- Feeling so good around me angel, like you were made for me.â
You were ready to answer, but the force with which he thrusted inside of you stopped you from doing so, uttering a strangled noise instead that was quickly replaced by endless whines and moans as Yunho started to fuck into you. It was as if he knew exactly how to make you feel good, as if he already knew your body like the back of his hand. He found his way to your waist again, pinning your hips down to the mattress so he could do what he wanted, fuck you like he had been wanting to for far too long.Â
You could feel your mind drifting far away as all the tension you accumulated these past weeks left your body, washed away by pleasure and desire, washed away by the way Yunho was looking down at you with hooded eyes, lips parted and letting out the most sinful sounds youâve ever heard. But you needed to feel him even closer to you, impossibly closer to you. So you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him down against you. He reached for your legs, guiding you to bend them more until he could hit this sweet spot that made your head fall back with a cry of his name.Â
â- Iâm not gonna last long angel, been waiting for this for too long.Â
- Me too, Iâm close, pleaseâŚÂ
- You sound so hot when youâre begging.â
You made sure to remember this piece of information before abandoning yourself to the feeling of his cock hitting all the right spots, and of his skilled fingers teasing your clit, the combination making you clench around him impossibly tight as the wave of your orgasm crashed over you. Your release triggered Yunho as he buried his face in your neck, groaning about how good you felt while filling up the condom with his cum. And the crazy thought of him filling you up instead crossed your mind, and it made the feeling of slight overstimulation even more intense.Â
You were so out of it that you almost didnât feel the moment when Yunho got up to throw away the condom. You had purposefully decided to not think about all the consequences that what you just did implied, you just wanted to enjoy this a little longer. So when he came to lay down with you again, you got closer to him immediately, like magnets who couldnât resist the attraction. His fingers brushing against your cheek encouraged you to turn your head to the side, diving in his hypnotising brown eyes. You stayed like that for a moment, simply looking at each other without saying anything. And as if it was the only thing your bodies knew how to do, you joined your lips again.Â
This time, it was slower, more sensual. If before you were devouring each other, now you took your time to savour the taste of his lips and tongue, to appreciate the way his hands were gliding on your skin, tracing invisible patterns on your lower back. It felt so much more intimate than what all this should have been, but it was too late, so you might as well fuck it all up completely.Â
This time, Yunho didnât rush anything, letting you decide on the pace. He let you do what you wanted when you got on top of him, let you deepen the kiss, he let you caress and discover his body. Your kisses wandered from the corner of his mouth to his jawline, going down to his neck, his collarbone, his pecks, his abs, his v-line, careful not to leave any marks on him. You could hide the single hickey he gave you, but you didnât want to take any risk. When you reached his inner thighs, his hands had made their way to your head, his fingers tangling between the messy strands of your hair. You looked up at him, the desire pouring from your eyes making his heart beat faster.Â
â- Can I ?
- Do whatever you want, angel.â
You smiled before you resumed your soft kisses along the skin of his thighs. But this time, you let them go up to his hardening dick. It was even prettier up close - and youâve never thought you would say that about a dick one day, but youâve never thought you would fuck with your teacher either. You kissed his length from the tip to the base, before running your tongue along the path you had traced. The action got a gasp out of Yunho, and you could feel him staring down at you as you kitten licked his flushed tip a few times. You wanted to take things slow, to remember this for as long as possible, but you were craving his taste, craving to feel him even more so you just took him into your mouth. He was big to say the least, and you could feel him, heavy on your tongue, stretching your throat as you started to bob your head up and down, stroking with your hands what you couldnât fit in your mouth.
Yunho watched you intently, mouth slightly open and letting out sighs and grunts because you just felt that good. The sinful vision you offered was enough to make these weeks of mentally torturing himself totally worth it. Maybe he shouldnât love the way you were making him feel, maybe he shouldnât love the way you were whining around his shaft, maybe he shouldnât love the way saliva was spilling out from the corners of your mouth. But he couldnât care less when he gripped your hair harder and you moaned around his cock, eyes watering and nails digging into the skin of his thighs.Â
â- Shit angel, youâre taking it so well. Youâre so good to me.â
You hummed around him once more, resisting the urge to gag around him, relaxing your throat until you could take all of him in your mouth. You felt Yunho sit up straight, so he could get a better look at the way his cock was sliding in and out of your lips with ease. The sight was truly mesmerising, and he wanted to engrave it in his memory.Â
â- I want to fuck your throat so bad, angel. Will you let me ?â
The pleased sound you let out after he grazed your scalp a few times let him know how willing you were to do just that. Yunho pulled on your hair roughly, forcing you to take all of him, until your nose was rubbing against his stomach and your hands were desperately pawing at his thighs. His thrusts were slow but hard, just what you wanted, just what you needed.Â
â- Youâre such a good girl Y/N, fuck, youâre going to make me cum. I can do it inside of your pretty mouth, right ?â
You agreed with strangled noises as best as you could with the way he was ruining your throat, but it was enough for Yunho to understand and a few seconds later, he buried himself as deep as he could one last time, cumming down your throat with a loud moan of your name. You did your best to shallow everything, some drops of the sticky substance spilling out. Yunho didnât waste time picking them up with his fingers, sliding them between your lips instead of his cock, commanding for you to lick them clean, which you gladly did. When he finally let you breathe again, your throat was sore, but you were so wet you could feel your juices sliding down the inside of your thighs.Â
â- Open your mouth for me angel, yes just like that. Good girl.â
Yunho grabbed you by your throat bringing your face closer to his and kissing you messily. He didnât care that he just came into your mouth, he didnât care that he could still feel his own taste on your tongue as you made out with him, on the contrary, it made everything so much more intense, so much better, so much more special.Â
â- Was it good ?
- It was a perfect angel, youâre perfect.â
His hands slid down from your neck to your ass, guiding you to sit on his lap. His touch made you shiver, your back arching unconsciously.Â
â- Want me to return the favour angel ?
- Yes please, I want your fingersâŚâ
Yunho pushed you so you would lay down on the bed again, his fingers immediately dipping to your core, brushing lightly against your clit. His fingertips glided with ease against your slit, collecting your juices and spreading them everywhere. And you were hypnotised by the sight, thinking about how well his long fingers would fit perfectly inside of you, how they could reach your sweet spot so easily.Â
â- Youâre so wet, Y/N, youâre dripping on my hand.
- Please, YunhoâŚâ
The way you were begging for him, the way you were calling his name, the way you were grabbing his biceps, trying to entice him in finally pushing his fingers inside of you - everything was driving him crazy, you were driving him crazy, and he was convinced that he didnât want all of that to ever stop. His gaze was fixed on your face scrunching up with pleasure when he finally put one finger inside of your clenching pussy.Â
â- Feels good ?
- Yes, so good.
- You want another one ?
- PleaseâŚâ
Yunho bit his lip when he watched you take his second finger with ease, relishing in your sweet voice moaning at the way he was able to reach so deep without making any efforts. You were being so good, and he didnât have to do anything for you to do so. You were pleading for him so easily, like it was natural, and that was making him feel even more dizzy with want and desire for you. He started to pump his fingers slowly, the squelching sounds from your wet cunt echoing through the room along with your whimpers for more. His other hand creeped up to your thigh, making sure to keep them open. Pleasure was clouding your mind, but your eyes were unable to leave the sight of the veins bulging in his forearms as he fingered you restlessly, thinking about all the ways he could control you, about all the positions he could put you in if he wanted to.Â
And when it all started to feel too good, you plopped down against the pillows, not able to hold your own weight anymore from how his fingers were making you feel. Whenever he was curling them against that one spot, your brain turned to mush, and you could only whine and cry for more. You closed your eyes, already feeling close to your relief, but not wanting him to stop.Â
â- YunhoâŚÂ
- What do you want, angel ?
- I-I want you to fuck me again, pleaseâŚâ
He didnât let you have any time to think as he bent down to kiss you again, as a reward for being so good to him, so good for him, so perfect for him.
â- Cum on my fingers first, and Iâll fuck you as many time as you want, okay ?â
You nodded energetically, too turned on to think about anything else that wasnât him. He let down your thigh to circle your clit, efficiently bringing you to your climax in seconds. Your nails dug into his biceps as the rush was taking over you, clenching around his fingers and moaning so loudly he was certain that the people in the room next to you could hear you scream his name. But he loved it, he was loving all of this a little too much.Â
But Yunho didnât ask himself more questions as he got up to find another condom in his pockets. He didnât dare interrogate why it felt so good when he entered your pussy for the second time. He wasnât even sure if he wanted to know why hearing you moan his name again and again made his heart beat faster. All he wanted right now was you, all he needed right now was you and your perfect body.Â
This time, he wanted to feel you, to really feel you. So he purposely slowed down his thrusts, and even when you wrapped your legs around his waist, all he did was to suck another hickey in between your breasts. It was frustrating, but it also felt insanely good, the type of pleasure that made you unable to think, that made you go to another world because it just felt that good. You knew you were babbling incoherently, mewling for him to go faster, but you were already too far gone to care about how desperate you must look.Â
In the heat of the moment, Yunho didnât think twice before grabbing your wrists and pinning them down to the mattress, but you only whined and clenched around him tighter as an answer. And that made him lose control, his thrusts becoming more sloppy, without any rhythm, because you just felt that good.Â
â- Yunho ! Iâm gonn- Ah ! Oh my godâŚ
- Cum for me angel, fuck, let me hear you.â
His words pushed you over the edge, the overstimulation from your two previous orgasm making this one feel even more intense and fulfilling. Your moans were high-pitched, but you couldnât keep your voice down, you couldnât bring yourself to care about anything else than Yunho, Yunho, Yunho. You could hear him groan as he pulled out, throwing the condom away to pump himself on top of you. He only needed a few seconds to cum on your chest, the white fluid soon covering them and even that felt good.Â
You felt so out of your own body that you almost didnât register when Yunho grabbed some tissues to clean your skin. But the ringtone of your phone was like a brutal reminder that this was only a little bubble that couldnât last forever. You got up from the bed to answer your phone, Dajeong on the other line reminding you of a gathering with some of your friends that you had completely forgotten, too focused on Yunho and what you just did. As soon as you hung up, you started to put your clothes back on. The awkward silence from before was coming back, but you didnât want to end it like that. You wished you couldâve stayed with him a little longer, but you had to be realistic : you werenât his girlfriend and youâll never be. But when he grabbed your arm and kissed you passionately while you were fully dressed up and he was only wearing his underwear, it felt exactly like that.Â
â- Text me later, okay ? I still want us to talk.â
This was becoming too serious for you and you could feel your heart beating too fast for your liking when he cradled your face in his hands to force you to meet his eyes.Â
â- So you want to see me again ?
- How could I not ?â
You simply smiled and kissed him again before you left. Your legs were still weak, and when you looked at your reflections in the mirror of the elevator, it was like what you did was written all over your face - in your smudged lipstick and your ruffled hair. But it felt too good, and you were already addicted. You knew it would not be easy to stop, but you preferred to pretend that it could last forever for now.Â
You were afraid that everything would feel weird, that you wouldnât even dare to look at him, or that maybe he would be the one putting an end to all of this. But he didnât. And the way he was looking at you during his classes could only mean that he craved you just as much as you craved him. And stealing glances at each other was basically all you were able to do for the whole week, because you had a ton of assignments to work on, and because he had too much work. Both of you agreed through text that it was too risky to do anything on the campus, that nothing should happen again in his office.Â
However, that didnât stop your mind from coming back to when he ate you out on his desk, or to him fucking you, or to the way his cock was feeling so heavy on your tongue. And that didnât stop Yunho from thinking back to your plush thighs clenching around his head, or to your taste, or the way you were screaming his name when he was hitting the right spot. Every night when you came back from your classes, you laid down on your bed, trying to make the aching in your core go away, but the only thing that could satisfy you was him, and you knew it.Â
Your frustration reached its peak on Friday when Lola cancelled your night out because she had to work early the next morning. You knew it wasnât her fault, that it was her colleague for calling in sick just so she could go see her boyfriend, but it still annoyed you, and it was the cherry on top. This whole week would have been stressing enough, but the fact that Yunho made eye contact with you whenever he could, and that he purposefully brushed his fingers against yours every time he handed you some documents added to your irritation.Â
You didnât think twice when you sent him a text, asking him to join you to the hotel because you needed him badly. You didnât feel ashamed of how desperate and needy you were, because you were too horny to care about the fact that you shouldnât miss him so much after only one week of not seeing each other. And maybe Yunho should have resisted more but he longed for you, he had wanted you all week and he couldnât contain his desire anymore.Â
This time, he didnât even greet you when he entered the hotel room, going straight for your lips and taking control of the kiss, devouring your mouth as if you were his oxygen. Maybe you should've talked before doing this again, but lust was clouding his and your mind, none of you thinking about anything else than releasing the tension.Â
Soon enough, the floor was covered in your clothes as Yunho manhandled you on your knees, ass up and face down in the pillows, two of his fingers already buried deep inside of you. If last time, he wanted to take his time, today he just needed to ruin you, to break you down, to see you cry for him. And that was exactly what you wanted him to do, what you needed him to do to you. Your brain had already been disconnected, the words coming out of your mouth against your will.Â
â- Please Yunho fuck me, please wanna feel you raw, want you to fill me up, pleaseâŚâ
His fingers stilled inside of you for a few seconds, almost making you cry out at the loss of stimulation. What you were asking him to do was crazy, it was not safe, but the way his dick throbbed made all the thinking for him - he wanted that, he dreamt about that.
â- Are you sure about that angel ?Â
- Yes, please ! Iâm on the pill, Iâll take a plan B, but please I need you, pleaseâŚâ
It was still dangerous, it was still nonsense, but Yunho wasnât thinking with his brain anymore, nothing logical was crossing his mind anymore.Â
â- Fuck, youâre going to kill me Y/N.â
But he loved it, and he loved how tight you felt around him when he pushed his cock inside, loved how he could feel you even better like that, loved how pliant you were in his hold. He gripped your waist as he bottomed out, forcing you to stay still and all you could do was moan out his name like a prayer, because you could feel everything, because it felt even more intense like that, because his strength excited you. And Yunho didnât hesitate when he started to pound into you, the feeling of your bare cunt around his dick making him delirious. You arched your back more, trying to fuck yourself against his cock because you always wanted more, you always craved more.Â
â- Youâre such a slut, angel. Fuck ! Youâre letting me fuck you raw but you get shy when I look at you, uh ? Youâre so fucking naughty.â
You adored it when he called you his good girl, but the way he was holding the back of your neck to keep your head buried in the pillow, and the way he was ruining you felt just as good. The adrenaline rushing in your veins had you getting closer to the edge so quickly, but you didnât want him to stop. You were unable to say anything else than his name, choking on your words, mewling from the tip of his cock kissing your cervix.Â
And Yunho wanted to talk dirty to you, to whisper all the things he knew you loved in your ears, but his mind was clouded with want, and he couldnât think straight. All he wanted was to spill his load inside of you, do the things he imagined when he was alone, these things he forbade himself to think about. But now he could, and he never felt better than buried deep inside your tight cunt.Â
â- Gonna cum inside of you, okay ? Gonna fill you up like the slut you are, angel.
- Please !â
The moan he let out when he stilled inside of you was so erotic you couldâve come only listening to his voice, but the feeling of his cum painting your insides white was what made it for you, your body growing limp in his hold. His grip on your neck and hips tightened, maybe enough to leave you with some marks but you didnât care. Both of you had trouble coming down, but when you were finally able to, Yunho helped you lay down with him, your head resting on his chest as you were still trying to catch your breath. You felt his fingers brushing your hair away from your face and you looked up at him, your heart skipping a beat when your gaze crossed.Â
â- I wasnât too rough, right ?
- No, it was perfect, I loved it.â
You smiled at each other, and even if it felt too intimate, and even if it was what couples did and not whatever the two of you were, he leaned down to kiss your lips softly.Â
â- I loved it too. I think I just want to keep spending a good time with you, I don't want things to get more complicated than they already are, if thatâs okay with you. Letâs keep it as simple as possible, yeah ?
- Yeah, Iâd like that.â
You were the one to kiss him this time, as if you wanted to seal your agreement, as if it was a silent promise.Â
â- Where are we going ?
- Itâs a surprise. You can choose the music if you want.â
You didnât waste any time going through Yunhoâs playlist, teasing him about some songs you didnât think he would listen to and finally settling on a Lana del Ray song. It had been a week since you decided to just do what felt right and not think too much, and he had asked you if you were free to spend your Saturday with him. Of course, you said yes, but you didnât think that he would pick you up in his car and drive you somewhere, thinking he just wanted to change from the hotel you were always meeting up and show you another place, but it felt like he was literally taking you on a date.Â
You watched the landscape unfold through the car window, casually chatting with Yunho about how your week went, about what you ate yesterday, about which book you read lately. Sometimes, you thought that the age difference between the two of you would make things awkward, or that it would clash with your opinions. But it was the exact opposite. Your conversations felt natural, as if you had known each other for decades, as if eight years werenât separating you. You were twenty-two, you were an adult and you could make your own choices, but sometimes, you were worried about the way he was perceiving you.Â
â- Y/N ? Weâre almost there.â
You looked down at your phone, seeing that it had in fact been over an hour since he had picked you up and you apparently fell asleep. You yawned as you checked your makeup and hairstyle in the mirror of the sun visor, glad to see that your little nap hadnât messed up anything. When Yunho stopped the car, you were in a narrow street, where not many stores could be seen. You were about to get out when he asked you to wait, getting out himself and making his way over to the passenger door, opening it for you and offering you his hand to help you out. And smiled up at him as you got out of his car.Â
â- Youâre such a gentleman.
- For you ? Always.â
His cheeky smile made you giggle, but the fact that he didnât let go of your hand as he walked you to one of the few shops on the street made your heart skip a beat. He did nastier things to you, said words that would have made anyone feel embarrassed, but for some reason, this small gesture dusted your cheeks in a pink tone that wasnât due to your excessive use of blush.Â
â- I really wanted to show you this place, I think youâre gonna love it.â
He held the door for you, a little bell ringing as you entered a cute, little bookshop. The smell of old pages invaded your nostrils as Yunho guided you through the shelves with a hand on the small of your back. You couldnât help looking all around, stunned by how much books were in there, by how many you recognized the titles of. The atmosphere of the whole boutique was welcoming and warm, the sunlight reflecting through the coloured glass of the front window displaying moving shadows everywhere and adding to its charm.Â
â- You like it ?â
You turned to him with a big smile on your face, almost ready to squeal with excitement.Â
â- Of course I like it ! If I could spend my life there I would !
- No oneâs stopping you angel.â
A big smile spread on his face as he kissed your forehead and let you wander around, eyes opening wide every time you saw a title you recognized. You were fitting perfectly in the setting with the black bow in your hair, your little brown skirt and your white turtleneck. Yunho was so lost in his contemplation that he almost didnât hear the lady holding the shop coming out of the stocking room.
â- Yunho ! Itâs been a while since Iâve seen you there !
- Yeah Mrs. McMillan, Iâm sorry Iâve been quite busy.â
The old lady shook her head, her long, white hair flying around as she did so.Â
â- Iâve already told you to call me Isabel, honey, Iâm not that old ! And you brought a pretty girl along this time.â
Yunho turned back to you, watching you fondly as you piled up books in your arms, and soon enough the stack would be higher than you.Â
â- Is that love Iâm seeing in your eyes ?
- No, not at all, sheâs only a friend.â
Putting that label on you made his heart ache, because he knew you were so much more than that, and Isabel seemed to know it as well because she looked at him with a gaze filled with disapproval as you came to the counter, still smiling.Â
â- Y/N, this is Isabel McMillan, she has been selling books here since Iâve been alive.Â
- Nice to meet you Mrs. McMillan ! I have to say that this shop might become my new favourite place, thereâs so many things there, itâs incredible !â
Your excitement was contagious as a smile took over the old woman's features too, softening at having someone as passionate as you to compliment her.Â
â- Donât take on your friendâs bad habits, call me Isabel, sweetheart. Iâm glad youâre enjoying my hard work.Â
- I really do. If I could, I would buy half of these books but sadly I cannot.â
As Isabel noted down the title of the books you wanted to buy - because she didnât want to use technology, saying it was too tiring to learn these things at her advanced age - Yunho couldnât detach his eyes from you.Â
â- Since youâre with Yunho, and because Iâm starting to like you, young lady, Iâm going to offer you a little reduction. Itâs rare to see people being so dedicated to literature these days, it will not do any harm to my business to encourage you to come again.
- Thank you so much ! But Iâm gonna tell you a secret : I wouldâve come back, even without that.â
The old lady laughed out loud, along with you and Yunho joined the two of you, because your good mood was infectious.Â
â- Do you still have the book I asked you to put away last time ?
- Of course, honey, Iâm a woman of words.â
She crouched down behind the counter and came up with a book she handed him.Â
â- Iâll pay for it, and all the ones Y/N is taking.
- What ? No, Yunho this is almost fifty euros, itâs too much.
- Canât I spoil you ? Itâs my pleasure angel, I wanna do this for you so let me, okay ?â
The nickname had you unable to hold eye contact with him much longer, and you folded, letting him pay for your books, with butterflies coming alive in your stomach as he held the door for you again on your way out. And Isabel watched all this happen, and she couldnât help scolding Yunho in his head for being so blind about his own feelings, for being so blind to the way you were looking at him with heart eyes. But after all, it was none of her business.Â
â- Put the books in my car, then we can go grab a coffee if you want.Â
- Iâd like that, yeah ! And thank you for the books, you didnât have to.Â
- Yes, but I wanted to. Stop worrying about that okay ?â
You nodded as you reached his car and you dropped the books on his back seat. But before you could close the door, he handed you the book he took for himself.Â
â- This one is also for you. I saw it last time and thought that you might like it. Maybe you could read it while Iâm reading one of yours, and when weâre done, we could hand it back with annotations and talk about it. What do you think ?â
When you looked up at him, he looked anxious, maybe because he thought that you wouldnât like his idea. But you did, the simple fact that he thought about you when seeing this book made you feel dizzy.Â
â- I think I love this idea. Wait a minute.â
You turned around, rummaging through all your new books in search of the one you saw and that you bought for the sole reason that it reminded you of him.Â
â- I picked up this one thinking about you, actually, so you might read it as well.â
You handed him the book, and he took it gladly as you grabbed the one he picked up for you too. You finally closed the car door and you both headed downtown to find a coffee shop. The first time your hand brushed against his, you didnât dare to take it. And the second time, he didnât dare to do it. So the third time, you took a deep breath and intertwined your fingers with his, and he gave your hand a little squeeze, both of you wearing a bright smile on your faces.Â
The coffee shop you found was surprisingly pretty empty considering it was a Saturday evening, but you were glad there were not that many people. When you approached the counter, you were ready to recite your favourite coffee order when Yunho took the lead and listed down your usual as if it was written in his mind. You couldnât even listen to the rest of the things he said to the cashier, focused on why he knew that when you never told him. He mustâve noticed you blankly staring at him, because he turned to you with a little smirk.Â
â- What ? Youâre surprised I know this ?
- Yes, a little. How did you figure it out ?
- Well, you always come to my classes with the same thing, it was not difficult to notice.â
You rolled your eyes, mainly to hide how flustered the information made you feel.Â
â- Youâre so obsessed with me.â
As the cashier put your orders down on the counter and announced the price of your drinks, Yunho mouthed âYesâ to you as he paid again for the both of you without letting you enough time to even reach for your purse. And before you could even start to protest, he effectively shut you up by kissing your cheek and dragging you along with him to find an isolated table where you both sat down. As always, the conversation flooded naturally, and you were not thinking about anything displeasing - in this instant, you were truly happy.Â
And Yunho was happy too. So when you proposed to play a card game, and that the winner could ask the loser a question about anything, he agreed, even if it was silly, it was okay because it was you. You asked him what his favourite colour was, why he wanted to become a teacher, what he would say to Oscar Wilde if he could talk to him. And he asked you which Austen novel was your favourite, why you wanted to study literature, what your biggest dream was. You were so immersed in your little game that the staff of the coffee shop had to ask you to leave because they were closing the place, and the sky was indeed darker as you got out to walk back to his car.Â
He opened the door for you again, and as you watched him make his way to the driver seat, you couldnât help asking yourself if that was really all he wanted from this afternoon. After all, even if you didnât put a label on your relationship - if you could even call it that - you knew deep down that the main reason he was seeing you was sex. And if he didnât plan on having sex with you now, does this mean that this meeting you didnât dare call a date was only that ? But then, it took you down a rabbit hole of never ending questions that you didnât want to dig into.
Sensing that your mood was a little down, Yunho didnât dare to talk too much and disturb you, even if he didnât understand why. You had a good time, you couldnât stop smiling and you really seemed to enjoy hanging out with him. And the thought that you could be questioning yourself about your situationship made him a little nervous, though it shouldnât because this was what it was - a situationship. And it didnât matter if you made his heart beat faster everytime he saw you. And it didnât matter if you made him feel alive for the first time in years. It didnât matter because having more with you was simply impossible. When Yunho parked in front of your dorm, all the serotonin from this day had been washed away with the doubts filling him up.
â- Thank you for everything Yunho, I had a great time.â
But your smile seemed fake, it didnât reach your eyes as it usually did. And Yunho felt his heart clench painfully. He didnât want you to feel sad with him. Never. You were supposed to enjoy his company as much as he enjoyed yours.Â
â- Are you really alright ? If I overstepped, tell me, please. I donât want you to keep these things from me Y/N.â
You sighed as you turned your gaze away from him, but his hands on either side of your face forced you to look him in the eyes again. Why did he have to be so perfect all the time ? It wouldâve made things so much easier if he didnât care about you.
â- You did nothing wrong, Iâm just thinking too much.Â
- About what ?
- I just think we should be more careful if we start going out like that because someone could recognize us. And you could lose your job, or I could get kicked out. Iâm probably just being paranoid butâŚâ
That was not the problem, but you didnât want to talk about the real reason you were feeling so melancholic. Because it would probably ruin everything, and you needed him too much for your own good, you needed him too much to risk losing him.
â- Youâre not being crazy, okay ? I understand, and if youâre afraid we might meet someone we know, we can go somewhere else next time, anywhere you wanna go, iâll take you. How does that sound ?Â
- Good. It sounds good.
- Then weâll be doing that.âÂ
You nodded, and even if you still felt a little bad, one look from him was enough to make you feel better, to make your worries all go away. So even if your heart was screaming for you not to, you let him kiss your forehead, and then your lips, so softly it made you weak in the knees. But it felt too good to ask him to stop. So you didnât, and you just kissed him back until you were out of breath.Â
â- Iâm gonna go, I have to work on your assignment because fucking the teacher wonât get me a free pass, right ?
- Thatâs the spirit angel, Iâm always expecting the best from you.
- Then I have to start now. Be careful on the road, Yu.â
He nodded and watched you get out of his car, not leaving until he saw you get inside the building of your dorm. And then only did he authorise himself to let out a sigh. Because you were too sweet to be true, because you gave him a little nickname that had him feeling much more things than he shouldnât, because your scent was still lingering everywhere and it was driving him crazy. You were driving him crazy, to be honest.Â
And it was bad, really bad. Yunho didn't mean for things to go this far, but he felt like he couldnât stop now. And if he was honest with himself, he didnât want to stop now that he had a taste of you. However, it still felt incredibly wrong to go home to his girlfriend when he had spent the day with you and that he didnât think about her only once. The smell of home cooked food hit him as soon as he stepped inside, and the weight on his shoulders even more heavy as he announced that he was home.Â
â- Youâre coming back late, baby ! But thatâs okay, at least everything is ready for dinner, I made your favourite !â
Guiltiness was creeping up inside of him with every word she said, and everything sounded so fake when he served her his lie about having an important meeting with his colleagues. She didnât deserve this, she didnât do anything for him to stop loving her. On the contrary, Hana was always sweet and caring, she was there for him and had been for years. But maybe it was the problem. Maybe it has been too long. But Yunho perfectly knew the real reason, it was just too painful to admit it, and it would make things too real.Â
For a while, he preferred to ignore the fact that you were making the flames come alive again in his heart. He preferred to ignore how much stronger his feelings for you were than for his girlfriend he was supposed to love and cherish and marry soon. But was it really a crime when everything she was doing, everything they were doing seemed faked, forced, done out of habit rather than because of true love and affection ? Yunho knew that he was already in too deep with you to stop, and the way Hana was not paying attention to what he was saying was making him feel a little less remorseful about the way he was only seeing your face when she was kissing him good night.Â
Work and classes have been hectic for the both of you these past weeks, so Yunhoâs proposal of a getaway trip to the beach this weekend felt like a bubble of oxygen. Sure, you had seen each other, but for never more than a quickie. Sure, you didnât stop sending each other texts and photos to keep up with your days, but you wanted to hear him calling you angel again. And even if it was supposed to be only that, even if you shouldnât want that, you still missed spending time with him, talking with him. So you held on to the promise of this little break with him to finally breathe and relax.
When you finally spotted his car parked a few streets away from your dorm, and his tall frame leaning against the driversâ door, the wind blowing his perfectly styled hair, your heart started to beat faster. The rush you got everytime you laid your eyes on him never flattered. And you didnât really think about it when you ran to him and threw yourself in his arms. You could hear him chuckling as he buried his face into your neck, holding you closer to him and spinning you around. Both of you needed this hug, and Yunho couldnât ever get tired of your addicting scent, breathing you in for a moment before he cradled your face into his hands to kiss you like he had wanted to these past few days.
â- I missed you, angel.Â
- We literally saw each other yesterday.
- But not like that.â
This comment was enough to make heat rise into your body again. But you simply slapped his chest playfully as he giggled like an idiot. But he didnât mind your teasing, it was entertaining. Like the gentlemen he always was, Yunho opened the door of the car for you. Every time he drove you somewhere, you felt like a passenger princess - getting to choose the music, opening the windows whenever you wanted, holding his hand when he didnât need it. The weather was starting to warm up a little, and you smiled as you felt the pleasant air hit your face, making your hair fly in every direction.Â
And yes, Yunho felt a little guilty for cancelling plans he had with his girlfriend to take you to the beach, but he needed it. He needed to escape from his life and his routine for just one day, but more importantly, he needed you. He didnât want to spend his weekend with her family, he wanted to spend it with you. And as he watched you run towards the water, squealing as the cold liquid touched your bare feets, he felt like it was worth it. Your long skirt was floating around you to the rhythm of the wind, and to him, youâve never looked more beautiful than right now - with your hair all messy, and the brightest smile heâs ever seen on your face directed at him, asking him to come with you.Â
There were only a few other people on the beach, allowing you to be as affectionate as you wished. The picnic both of you had prepared was spent between sweet kisses and mindless conversation. And then, Yunho laid down to rest his head on your lap while you read another book he had given to you. You mindlessly started to run your hands through his hair, smiling lightly when he released a satisfied sigh, relaxing even more. And Yunho swore he couldâve fallen asleep just like that - with the sun warming up his body and your presence warming up his heart.Â
â- Itâs been so long since Iâve last gone to the beachâŚâ
Your self-reflection steered Yunho out of his slumber, looking up at you to find you entirely focused on the landscape in front of your eyes. Suddenly, your tone was a lot more nostalgic, and he couldnât help his curiosity. Because yes, he knew your body like the back of his hands by now, and he knew what you were liken but he knew so little about your past, about you - the you he was starting to fall in love with.Â
â- But you grew up close to the ocean, right ?
- Yeah. We used to go every weekend, it was always the best day of the week and I was so excited to go every time. But when my parents started to fight, we stopped going. Apparently, it reminded them of too many memories and they had no time to do that anymore. I tried to go alone once. I was maybe eight ? I donât remember well, but I know that I got scolded so badly Iâve never tried it again, even as a teenager. And I kinda had an apprehension to go see the ocean again.Â
- I didnât know that. Iâm sorry for proposing that, we can leave whenever you want if you donât feel comfortable, angel.â
Your eyes finally came back to him, smiling softly at him as you pushed a strand of his hair away from his forehead, your touch making goosebumps come alive on his skin.Â
â- Itâs okay, Iâm over all that now. And when I think back about it, these trips were never perfect. My parents were already fighting back then, I was just too young to understand what it meant. But today Iâm here with you, so I knew it would be nothing like that. You make everything better, Yu.â
You leaned forward, pecking his lips for a second or two, but it was enough to make Yunho smile again. He had no idea your childhood couldâve been so chaotic, and from what you told him, he could easily imagine the classic scheme through which you went. And it made sense with the women you were today - strong, independent and determined. But he also learned that you needed him to baby you sometimes, and he was always willing to let you fall into his open arms every time you needed to. And the fact that you were slowly opening up more and more to him everyday felt like a reward.Â
â- What was your childhood like ?
- Well, I have a pretty conservative and religious family, and Iâve always felt like Iâve never belonged with them. My parents love me, I know they do, but itâs like I donât fit in with them, you know ? Itâs a strange feeling, but Iâve always been the rebel one : I didnât do the studies my parents wanted me to do, and I didnât follow every one of their rules as I grew up, and Iâve never had the same faith as them. I think thatâs what disturbed them the most.Â
- The feeling of being a disappointment, and of going against the flow is never easy to deal with, especially as a kid. But look where you are now. They should be proud of you for doing a job you love. At least, Iâm proud of you.â
This time, Yunho made the first move to kiss you.Â
âYouâre really an angel, too good to be true.
- I could say the same about you.âÂ
Because he simply had that aura that made you feel safe, that made you feel comfortable, that made you feel at home. Every time you looked into his eyes, it was as if nothing else existed, as if he was the only thing that was real. But you didnât want to think about it, didnât want to dwell on what it meant, didnât want to think about the fact that this wonât last forever. Instead, you kept on talking, telling each other some childhood memories. And it all felt so peaceful, like you were all alone, like it was both of you against the rest of the world, like you were in a little bubble that could never burst.Â
And Yunho really wished he could stay like that with you forever, but the sun was starting to go down and the wind was turning colder. You couldâve fallen asleep on the ride home, lulled by the way he was quietly humming to the songs of the playlist you choose. This day made you forget about everything else, made the stress go away, made all your worries disappear. But you knew it was not only because you got away, but mostly because Yunho was with you. He always had that effect on you, no matter how hard you tried to resist it. You didnât want this day to end, you didnât want this feeling to ever go away. So as he parked near your dorm, you kissed his lips one more time.
â- Do you want to come up ? My roommate is not here.Â
- What about being careful, angel ? Anyone could recognize me here.Â
- Itâs Sunday, everyone is either locked up in their rooms working or spending the day out. No one will see you. Please ?â
The fact that you started to kiss down his neck as well as your pleading eyes were close to breaking Yunhoâs resolve. He knew he shouldnât let you have this much of an effect on him, but you had that effect and he couldnât deny the way he weakly said âyesâ and let you drag him to your dorm room. But the way you were giggling against his lips as you pushed him to sit down on your bed made him forget all about his doubts. As you dropped to your knees on the ground, settling between his legs, Yunho couldnât help the shaky breath that escaped him.Â
â- I think I have to pay you back for today, donât I ?â
The smirk playing on your lips as you unbuckled his belt and helped him get out of his pants did nothing to calm his heartbeat down. And the way you were always so eager to take care of him, to have your mouth on him, did nothing to help either. But it felt too good, so he didnât stop you and let you kiss his tip one time before you started to kitten-lick his cock.Â
â- Fuck, donât tease, angel.Â
- But you look so pretty like that.â
Your pouty lips made him want to spoil you but also to be a little mean. But you were such a good girl for him, taking all of him in your mouth. Everytime you were getting down on your knees for him, Yunho couldnât help the rush of adrenaline going through his veins. He threw his head back when he felt your cheeks hollowing, sucking him in deeper. He wanted to stay like that forever, with you drooling around his cock, and his hands buried in your hair. But he needed to have his mouth on you too, to make you feel good. So he took advantage of your size difference to throw you on the bed with ease, pushing up your long skirt so he could dip his head under the material and lick a strip of your wet cunt through your panties.Â
â- Yunho⌠Please, donât tease.
- But you look so pretty like that.â
You smiled as you lightly slapped his shoulder, eliciting a few chuckles from him before he helped you get out of your underwear and finally got a taste of your cunt. You could only see the top of his head, but the way he was subtly nibbling on your clit had you closing your eyes to appreciate the moment even more. His tongue lapping at your cunt was sending you to places youâve never been, and you couldnât care less about the other people at the dorm who might hear you whining his name loudly. This day was so perfect, Yunho was so perfect. You couldnât ask for more. Or you could, but you would be pushing your luck, and you didnât want anything else if it meant you could be with him in some way. But you didnât want to think about all that right now, so you pushed his head further in between your thighs.Â
â- Donât stop, pleaseâŚâ
Yunho groaned against your folds, doubling his efforts to bring you to the edge, practically making out with your pussy at this point. But you didnât mind, not at all. You wanted him, wanted every little part of his body and soul to be yours. As you felt your orgasm approaching, you started to grind against his face, moaning at the way his nose was bumping against your clit every time you rocked your hips. And when you came with a cry of pleasure, Yunho made sure to hold your thighs open for him to eat you until he had gulped down the last drop of your juices.Â
â- How do you taste better every time ? Iâll never get tired of it.
- Good. Because I don't want you to stop.âÂ
Both of you were still half clothed, but you didnât mind it as Yunho came up to kiss your lips, his tongue finding yours easily and his hands grabbing your breast over your top like a second nature. Everything felt so familiar, so right, like you were where you should be. Your lips were sealed to his, from the moment he pulled out his condom to the moment his cock entered you, only separating for a brief instant when you moaned in harmony.Â
And no words where needed as he made love to you. Because there was no other way to define how he was fucking you, to define the tenderness of his touch, the fondness of his gaze, the softness of his breath hitting your skin. Every sound he elicited from you was immediately drowned in his mouth, your hands tugging at the material of his shirt as you felt close to the edge again. You felt full of so many emotions you couldnât even name them all, but you knew that Yunho was the only reason you were feeling all that.Â
â- Iâm closeâŚ
- Me too, angelâŚâ
The words youâve been meaning to say for some time almost slipped past your lips as you felt the rush of pleasure course through your body. And if Yunho hadnât nuzzled his head into your neck, he wouldâve probably been about to say them too. As you came down of your little paradise where nothing existed except for him, you realised how close youâve been to fuck it all up. And you didnât want that - you were going to take everything you could have from this relationship, and no matter the state you would end up in, it would be worth it because it was him.Â
â- Hey ! Watch where youâre going Y/N !â
Dajeong kept you from walking straight into the door that opened just in front of your face. You sheepishly thanked her, and tried to not get lost in your thoughts again.
â- You seem absent since yesterday. Did something happen this weekend ?â
You knew exactly why you were so absorbed, you knew it. But you couldnât say it, you couldnât talk about it with her. It would mean putting Yunho in a dangerous situation, and yourself too. And what would she think of you ? You were always the first one to comment on how stupid all the girls crushing on your teacher were, and now you were the one who ended up in his bed every time he needed you.
â- Itâs nothing, I just⌠Donât know what to do about something and Iâm thinking about it a little too much.â
Your eyes travelled from your friend by your side to Yunhoâs silhouette. He was standing near the door of his office, having a lively conversation with a woman youâve never seen before but you supposed that she was one of his colleagues. You had no right to be jealous. And you werenât. Not really, at least. You were not jealous about seeing him with someone else, you were mentally prepared for that to happen. But you were jealous of how good she looked beside him, thinking about how ridiculous you must be whenever you were going out with him. Your age difference was visible, and everything felt much more right when he was with someone his age. But you quickly averted your gaze from them, not seeing the pained look on Yunhoâs face as he turned his head your way.Â
â- You wanna talk about it tonight ?Â
- I donât know, itâs complicated.â
Dajeong smiled at you and grabbed you by your arm, trying to cheer you up a little. She didnât like to see you down - you were always so energetic and joyful, it felt odd whenever you were like that.Â
â- No matter what you decide, Iâm here. And Iâm keeping you home for a movie night anyway.
- I'd like that a lot. Thank you.
- I told you, Iâm here for you.â
You thanked her again and tried not to think about Yunho for the rest of the day. You werenât even mad at him, except the fact that you had no right feeling like that, it was mostly because you realised that you really couldnât be with him for more than what you already were. And it hurt more than you think it would have, because even if you tried to stop yourself from daydreaming about a future with him, you still did, and you had started to believe that it could happen, that it could be true. But you had to be sensible and remind yourself that it was impossible, that even if there was the slightest chance that he loved you, he could never do it in the open, and you were not ready to stay a secret your whole life. But you still went to his office after your classes because he had asked you to. When you entered the room, Yunho was waiting for you, anxiously chewing on his nails. He gestured for you to close the door behind you and when you made sure it was locked, you took his hands in yours, confusion lingering in your eyes.Â
â- What is it Yu ? Are you alright ?
- I should be the one asking you that.
- Why ?
- Because of what you saw this morning. Itâs not what you think, I swear thereâs nothing between us, sheâs just another teacher Iâm working with. Iâm not doing any-
- Stop.â
And he did it, mouth closing shut as you tried to not let all the doubts and the melancholy that invaded you today be perceived in your voice or your touch. You stood on your tippy toes to kiss his lips softly, hoping that it would calm him down a little.Â
â- I didnât think anything about it, okay ? Iâm not mad, or sad, or anything else. And you can do absolutely what you want, you know, itâs not like Iâm your girlfriend or anything. I donât have a word to say about your relationships.â
The words hurt you, but they hurt him too. He knew you werenât his girlfriend, he made that clear enough so you understood that nothing like that could ever happen. But it still felt wrong to hear you say that, he still felt bad at seeing the slight discomfort in your eyes. However, you didnât let him reflect on that too much as you let go of his hands.Â
â- Donât worry about that, okay ? I have to go, I have plans with Dajeong for tonight but text me if you need anything.
- Yeah, have a good night angel.â
You smiled at him before leaving and Yunhoâs heart clenched when he saw you go out one more time. Every night you spent together, you had always left before him, and every time, he wished you could stay a little more. And every time, he prayed that it would not be the last time he was going to see you. Even if everything about this was wrong, he didnât want it to end, and for once, he wanted to be selfish. He wanted to think about himself, to put his happiness first and not everyone elseâs opinions.Â
Thatâs why when you told him you had a really bad day, a few weeks after this incident, he decided to think about what made him happier lately and put you first. So he picked you up after class, without telling you where you were going, but it had become a habit of his to never reveal the destination of your little adventures. The ride was silent, the music being the only sound disturbing the quiet atmosphere, but as soon as Yunho parked on the hill that overlooked the whole city so you could see the sunset, you bursted into tears. Yunho pulled you into his lap, running his hands through your hair to calm you down, and encouraging you to talk to him.Â
â- Tell me whatâs going on, angel.Â
- Iâm just⌠Everything I do, itâs never enough. Thereâs always someone whoâs doing it better, thereâs always someone to remind me that Iâm enough. Iâm never enough, for anything or anyone.â
Seeing you like that broke his heart, but Yunho didnât let his own emotions overpower him. He cradled your face in his hands, whipping your tears away tenderly.Â
â- You are enough Y/N, youâve always been enough and the way youâre feeling right now does not reflect what you really are. Youâre doing so much all the time, and for everyone. I promise you are enough, angel. And Iâm proud of the person you are, Iâm proud of you.â
You nuzzled your head in his chest, a little more serene than five minutes before, his scent soothing your heart and your mind, and his touch so soft and delicate you couldâve fallen asleep in his arms. You stayed like that for a moment, not needing to say anything else as his presence was enough to get you to relax, and you couldnât say if you spent ten minutes or an hour like that, but you felt so peaceful you didnât want to move. Whenever you were with him, it was like a little bubble engulfed the two of you, and that nothing else existed beside him and everything he was making you feel.Â
â-Â Thank you, Yu.â
And you pecked his lips to reinforce that idea. And Yunho pushed away a strand of your hair before he kissed you too, deepening it when you whimpered against his mouth and wrapped your arms around his neck to keep him closer to you. And you stayed there, simply making out and quietly talking about nothing and everything. But it was enough to calm you down. And it was enough for Yunho to be sure about what he wanted to do. But not now. Not when you were so vulnerable he felt like you could break in his arms.Â
â- Can you take me home ? Iâm tired.
- Of course, angel. I just need to stop by the gas station.â
You nodded and kissed him one last time before getting back in your seat. Your mood was much better on the way back, casually chatting with Yunho as he drove you home with his hand comfortably resting on your thigh. You mindlessly played with his fingers, not really paying attention to the road. You only registered the notifications noises from his phone when he was out and paying for his gas. You glanced at his illuminated screen, not really wanting to know who was texting him but just out of habit, and the nickname of the person texting him was all you needed to know. âMy girl đâ was enough to understand that you werenât the only one, that he wasnât as invested in this relationship as you. You were aware of all these things, but to be hit by the realisation, to be faced with the truth was harsh. When he sat back down in his seat, you had to brace yourself so the tears wouldnât spill from your eyes, so the words you were about to scream at his face wouldnât slip out from your mouth.Â
â- Are you alright, angel ?
-Â Hum, yeah, I just wanna go home and sleep. Don't worry.â
You offered him a little smile and he caressed your cheek, but you had to mentally restrain yourself from pushing his hand away. You let him drive you home, forcing yourself to smile and seem normal and composed. Only when you were snuggled underneath your blankets did you allow yourself to let the tears fall freely from your eyes. You were expecting this to stop at some point, but not like that. You were trusting him, you thought he was telling you the truth, you thought that what would separate you would only be the fact that it was impossible, but not that.Â
It was so unlike him, always so kind and gentle, always thinking about you and your comfort first. That was surely why you never thought he would do something like that. But after all, you should've seen it coming. This was truly too good to be true, too perfect to last. But you would've wanted it to last for a little longer, for forever. And coming back to reality was hard, it was like waking up from a dream to realise you were only living in a nightmare all this time. That night, you fell asleep with his scent still lingering on your clothes, and dried tears covering your cheeks.Â
The next morning, you werenât doing any better, if not worse. The truth was sinking in, and you were not strong enough to answer his texts yet, leaving him on read and purposely ignoring his demand to see you today. You got up from your bed either way, only because you needed to eat to compensate for your empty heart, and that what Dajeong must have cooked smelled really good.Â
â- Wow ! You look like a zombie. A cute zombie, but still a zombie.â
You smiled a little, but it didnât reach your eyes. You sat down on the stool of the kitchen, watching your roommate finishing up your meal, mind clouded with thoughts of him even if he was the last thing you wanted to think about.Â
â- On a serious note, are you alright ?â
The casual question made you tear up again, and you had to take a deep breath so you would not cry again. Dajeong turned off the stove and came to sit down beside you, one hand resting on your shoulder as she encouraged you to talk to her. And you did. You told her everything about what had been going on between Yunho and you for months. It felt like it all started yesterday, like it was only a dream. But with the way it was about to end, you rather have not started this at all.Â
â- I wouldâve never thought that you would be the type to go out with our teacher.Â
- I know. Thereâs just something about him that I canât get enough of. I⌠I think I love him.â
It was the first time you dared to say the words. But it was true. You loved him even if you tried to resist it, even if you tried not to succumb to the temptation he was. But you gave in, and you were happy for as long as it lasted. You knew it would hurt, but you didnât think it would hurt that much. You underestimated how important he became, how much you relied on him for everything.Â
â- And itâs not even the fact that he has a girlfriend or someone else that makes me mad, I was okay with that because I had come to terms with the fact that I will never be more than what we were. But he treated me like I was more, he made me think that he cared about me just to pull out something like that. And I had to find out, he didnât even have the balls to tell me himself.Â
-Â Heâs a coward, I must admit. And he clearly doesnât deserve you. He could have never loved you like you need to be loved, youâll always be a secret with him. Itâs better like that.Â
- Maybe. But it hurts.â
Some tears escaped your eyes again, and Dajeong didnât hesitate before pulling you into a tight hug, caressing your head as a way to calm you down. She knew how much a heartbreak could hurt, especially when it ended up like that, especially when it was as intense as what you had.Â
â- I know, lovely. Itâs gonna take time, but itâs gonna stop hurting eventually. But I think you should talk with him, ask him clearly whatâs going on before completely cutting him out of your life. You need closure, you at least deserve that.â
You nodded as Dajeong proposed that you spent the day together, doing some skincare and talking again and again about the same people for the hundredth time while watching some silly movies to cheer you up. And you did exactly that, trying to not think about him for at least one day. You were anxious to go back to class on Monday, fearing that everything would be awkward, or that he would completely ignore you. Somehow, you found the courage to send him a text throughout the weekend, simply to tell him that you needed some space, some time to think about you and him. You didnât see the point of lying to him, and you silenced his notifications just after. You were strong enough to answer him, but not to witness him pretend and care about you.
Your resolve started to crumble when you saw how miserable he looked the next few days in class. His eye bags were terrible, and he seemed to have lost all his energy. Usually, Yunho would animate all his classes and passionately teach you his subject, but lately, he was only giving you some group work to do, keeping his interventions to a minimum. He spent his time sitting at his desk, either trying to grade some papers or zoning out, looking through the windows. Everytime his sad eyes fell into yours, your heart clenched and ached. But you didnât have the strength to confront him about what you saw on his phone. You wanted to talk to him, you wanted him to deny, to tell you it was not what you were thinking and that you were the only one - even if you knew it was impossible and that dreaming about it made everything hurt ten times more badly.Â
You missed him. You missed hearing his voice, his laugh. You missed his smile, and the dimple he had when you made a terrible joke he couldnât help giggling at. You missed his touch, the way every time his skin was against yours everything else disappeared. You missed being in his arms, and the sentiment of security it gave you. You simply missed him, and having to see him everyday without being able to look at him for more than a few seconds was a torture. And even if you had unblocked him because you were weak, you continued to ignore every one of his texts and calls either way. It was painful, but a lot less than if he told you face to face that he had someone else, that he lied to you, that he made you fall head over heels for you before fucking it all up, before crushing your heart in between his fingers.Â
One day, when you came back to your dorm, you found flowers waiting for you by the door. There was no card with it, but Yunho was the only one who knew that lilies were your favourite flowers. And you cried again when you opened the trash can only to find yourself unable to throw the bouquet away. So you kept it, putting it in a vase and placing it on the kitchenâs counter, seeing him every time you looked at the flowers.Â
Another day, when you handed him back an assignment and that your hand brushed against his, it was like time stopped for a moment. Your breath was knocked out of your lungs as you looked up at him, and the plethora of emotions you caught dancing in Yunhoâs eyes was enough to bring you back to when he was calling you angel, to when he was treating you like the most beautiful girl in the world. You ran away as quickly as possible, because you were on the verge of telling him that you loved him, and that it would only make things even more complicated than they already were. You felt so stupid for falling for your teacher, but you felt even more ridiculous for believing that you could be more than a side piece to him.Â
However, that didnât stop you from looking at the texts he sent to you, asking you to come meet him in his office because he wanted to explain everything properly. You heard Dajeong words ringing in your head as you took a deep breath and entered the room you had grown familiar with. His scent surrounded you immediately, and Yunho jumped upon your arrival. His glasses were sitting on the bridge of his nose, and his hair were completely dishevelled. You still managed to be smitten by his ethereal beauty. But the way he was looking at you with such desperation forced you to avoid his gaze quickly.Â
â- Y/NâŚâ
His voice broke down, and your heart broke too, a little more every time he tried to start a sentence. Yunho wanted to forget everything, to hold you in his arms and promise you the world. But he couldnât, and the way you were hugging yourself made him want to get down on his knees and beg for your forgiveness. In all honesty, he would do it in the blink of an eye if you asked him, he would do anything if it meant you would forgive him. But it was nearly impossible, and he was well aware of that, but you deserved an explanation - that and so much more.Â
â- What did you want to tell me ?â
Your tone was harsher than you wanted it to be, and you didnât dare look his way, and Yunho didnât dare make a step in your direction, afraid that you would run away again. But he had to tell you the truth, he had to be honest for once.Â
â- Itâs not what you think, angel.
- Please, spare me with that, Iâm not blind, nor an idiot.
- No, youâre not⌠And thatâs why you deserve to know what is going on. The message you saw the other night was from⌠My girlfriend.â
You knew it, but to hear him say it was different. It hit exactly the right spot to reopen some wounds that had never healed. You already felt on the verge of tears, but you tried to keep them under control, gripping the handles of your tote bag to ground yourself in reality and brace yourself for what was coming.Â
â- But I donât love her anymore, it's been a long time since Iâve stopped feeling anything for her. We met when we were in highschool, and we were a good match at that time. She was my friend before becoming more, but after all this time, there's nothing left of what I felt for her in the beginning. We were only kids, I didnât even know what I wanted to do with my life and my family had already planned my future with her. They want me to marry her. But I donât, not at all. But if I leave her, I know that they will never want to see me again. So I stayed with her but you made me realise what it was to live and be happy again, and that I donât want to marry someone I don't genuinely love.â
While he was talking, Yunho took some steps in your direction, trying to maintain eye contact with you even if all he wanted was to slap himself in the face for how stupid he had been to think he could handle this the way he did it, to think that you would never discover his secret. At least, you were here. At least, you were listening to him. It should mean something. It should mean that everything wasnât over yet, right ? Yunho held on to that, but when he tried to reach for your hand and you took a step back, your eyes glistening with tears, it was hard to believe that everything could be alright. And to know that he was the reason you were crying made him feel even more guilty.
â- Iâm so fucking sorry I didnât tell you sooner, angel. I wanted to do it a million times, but I was so afraid of losing what we had, I didnât want to freak you out. And I couldnât lose you. You are my oxygen, my breath of fresh air in the middle of all this mess, and I need you. I promise I wanted to tell you everything the night you discovered it. But you became so quiet all of sudden, and when I looked at my phone, I assumed you had seen her text. But I swear on my life, I wanted to tell you. I shouldâve never lied to you in the first place, I know that, and you canât imagine how sorry I am.â
You were now sobbing uncontrollably, trying to cover up your voice with your hand, but the hot tears falling down your cheeks were enough proof of how affected you were. Yunho wanted to cradle you in his arms, to protect you from the world like he always did, but he couldnât shield you from himself and his mistakes. He was supposed to be your safe place, your comfort zone, not to make you feel like that.
â- Do you understand how bad I felt when I saw this message, Yunho ? I⌠I knew this wouldnât last, but to realise that you lied to me all this time was even more painful. You made me believe that we had a future together, and you treated me like your girlfriend even when I was not, even when you had someone waiting for you at home. And it hurts.â
Your voice broke down on the last words. You felt pathetic, some kind of silly, naive girl who couldnât see what was right in front of her eyes, some kind of idiot who thought that it could end well, that it could end without you suffering too much.Â
â- Iâm sorry, Iâm so sorry. And Iâll spend the rest of my life apologising if thatâs what you want. We can have a future together, I want a future with you.
- I canât see it. I-I canât ask you to leave her, and to turn your back on your whole family for me. â
One tear rolled down Yunhoâs cheek, and you wanted to wipe it away, but he did it himself before you could do anything. It was better like that. If you felt his skin against yours again, you didnât know if you would be able to finish what you started.Â
â- I could do it. If itâs what it takes to keep you with me Iâll do it. Iâll do anything. I love you, Y/N. I love you more than Iâve ever loved anyone else. I love you so bad it makes my heart ache. Iâm ready to do everything it takes to be with you. Everything.â
You shouldâve been happy to hear these words you were longing for him to say, only weeks prior. But right now, it only broke your heart more, it only pushed the knife a little deeper into your open wounds.Â
â- Thatâs not what I want for you, you deserve better. I donât want to fuck up your whole life, even if it meant I could love you.
- But you are my whole life, youâre the only thing I need.â
You wanted to believe him. You wanted to say yes so bad. You wanted to fall back into his touch, to fall back into his arms. But you couldnât. Still, you let him caress your cheek, swiping his thumb against it to get rid of the tears that had dropped there. It was like you could finally breathe, as if the weight on your heart and the knot in your throat had disappeared only because he touched you. He always had that effect on you. But you had to leave, you had to leave or you would cave in and you knew it wasnât good for you. So you took his hand in yours, pushing it away slowly, as if not to scare him away. You looked up into his teary, brown eyes. It broke your heart to see him in such a state, but you had to think about yourself too. You had to take care of yourself now that he wasnât here to do that anymore.Â
â- Iâm sorry, I need some time to think. Iâm⌠Not sure I can love you like this anymore. Iâm sorry.â
He tried to smile at you, but it was joyless, without this little sparkle in his eyes that you loved so much.Â
â- You donât have to apologise, angel. You did nothing wrong, Iâm the one who fucked up. Iâm the only one to blame here. Take all the time you need, Iâll wait for you.â
You nodded, and you finally let go of his hand, painfully slow to feel his touch for as long as possible. You took a last look at him before turning away and unlocking the door of his office.Â
â- Goodbye, Yunho.â
It felt like you were saying farewell, and Yunho wanted to run after you, to beg you to let him still be a part of your life. But he had to respect your choice. So he stayed still, standing there as if it could freeze time in place and give him the ability to come back in time and do things differently. But it was too late, and the only thing he could do was give you space and hope you would grant him a second chance, and hope you would be kind enough to forgive him even if he didnât deserve it at all.Â
You thought that clearing up the situation with Yunho would make it easier for you to move on and forget him as you had initially planned, but you clearly were in the wrong. Feeling his eyes on you was even more painful now. But at least, he seemed to have found his energy back. It was the only thing that made you feel a little better. Because you felt like shit, even if you tried to convince yourself that what you did was for the best, that you couldnât be together, that you had to be sensible, you didnât want to do all that. You craved his touch, his kisses, his loving gaze. You craved him and his soothing aura. You craved his love. You wanted him back, but everything was so complicated, everything was so messed up, you werenât even sure it could work.Â
Even if Yunho respected your wish for space and time, he still hadnât stopped texting you throughout your days - reminders for you to drink, eat and rest properly. You never answered but you saw the messages and it was all that mattered to him. And even if he tried to come back to his daily life, to his routine, he couldnât. You had taken such an important place in his heart that everything felt empty without you and your smile to brighten his world. Nothing felt as appealing as before. Reading couldnât take his mind out of things anymore, because he could only see your annotations on the ones you had given to him. And everytime he passed by Mrs McMillan bookstore, his thoughts immediately came back to you and how pretty you looked that day.Â
So when some colleagues from the university invited him to have some drinks after work, he said yes. Yunho hoped that some alcohol and talking about anything and everything could take his mind off of you. But all it did was make it worse. With each drink, he felt the urge to call you even stronger. All he wanted was to at least hear your voice, hear his name fall from your lips, see your face, even if the pain he caused was written all over it.Â
â- AngelâŚ
- Yunho ? Why are you calling me ? Is there something wrong.â
He sighed in relief at finally hearing your voice ringing in his ears again, at finally hearing you say his name. He preferred the surname you had granted him, but he would take everything that you were willing to give him.Â
â- I just⌠I miss you, and I need you, and Iâm sorry. I wanted to tell you again. Because I feel like I didnât apologise enough.
- Itâs okay, I swear. I told you I need some time. Everything isâŚ. Puzzling.
- Still, Iâm sorry.Â
- I know you are.â
There was silence, but the fact that you hadnât hung up yet made a little bit of hope blossom in his heart. Maybe there was still a chance. Maybe there was still a world in which you could grant him your forgiveness.Â
â- I canât imagine my life without you. I tried. But I canât. I need you, angel.
- You know that we canât, that I canât. You have a girlfriend, and your family, a career. I canât just come in and mess up everything.
- I donât care about all of that. If Iâm with you itâs worth it. Please, angel, let me at least see you, even if itâs the last time I get to have you. I want you, one last time. After that, Iâll let you go if thatâs what you really want, and I promise you will never have to worry about me again.â
You stayed silent for a while again, your defeated sigh being the only noise echoing through the line.
â- Okay. But this is the last time.â
However, when you joined him in the hotel room you had grown familiar with, you didnât want it to be the last time. You wanted to stay in his arms forever. You didnât talk, afraid of the things you could say, afraid you would beg him to stay, to come back, to do exactly what he swore he would do if only you asked him. But you tried not to think about that as you let him kiss you tenderly, as if you were going to break under his touch. And you might, because you needed him so bad it made everything hurt when he was not there.
No words were exchanged as you got rid of your clothes. No words were exchanged when you pushed him down onto the bed and straddled his thighs. No words were needed when you kissed him for the first time in weeks. It felt like you could both finally breathe, like you felt alive again, and it made all the pain go away for just a moment.Â
â- I missed you, angel, missed you so fucking muchâŚ
- Me too, Yu.â
This was all you were able to say before he shut you up with another desperate kiss, making out with you as if it was the last time he got to have your lips on his - and maybe it would be. So you just decided to shut off your brain, simply running your hands through his hair and thinking about nothing else. You wanted to take your time and appreciate his touch, his eyes and the way he was moaning under your hands, but it felt like you were in a hurry, quickly discarding both of your underwear and sinking down on his cock. You gripped his shoulders, closing your eyes as you let yourself bask into the feeling of finally being full. But your desire took over you, grinding on his dick desperately.
And Yunho couldnât look at your face, couldnât see your beautiful eyes without thinking back to them filling up with tears the day he messed up everything between the two of you. But his body was overwhelmed by the feeling of you wrapped around him after weeks of only being able to look at you from afar, relying on his souvenirs to remember what it felt like to kiss you. He desperately wanted to engrave your face in his memories and keep it there forever, but it was too hard. So instead, he just flipped you over the bed, burying his head in your neck to not be tempted to cross your gaze anymore. But his hands still found their way to yours, fingers intertwining as he sped up the pace of his thrusts, both of you moaning in harmony.Â
It wasnât as intimate or as emotional as Yunho wanted your last time together to be like. But the alcohol was clouding his mind even more than everything he felt for you, and the urge to make you his - even if you werenât, and that you would never be - was taking over him more and more with every clench of your cunt around him.Â
â- Fuck, angel⌠Tell me you love me pleaseâŚâ
You didnât want to, because you knew how that would make both of you feel, but the words spilled out from your lips before you could stop it, squeezing his hands tighter.Â
â- I love you, I love you so muchâŚâ
It was enough for Yunho to feel a rush of emotions and desire flood through his veins, his thrusts becoming sloppy and losing any kind of rhythm. It all felt too much, from the way he was hitting your sweet spot to the way his little whines mixed with âi love youââs that made your heart throb and your mind wanting to hear more of them. It all felt too much to the point you felt on the verge of tears as he laid on top of you, trying to regain some consciousness. But you were fully aware of everything that had just happened, and even if you wanted nothing more than to spend another night in his arms, you knew it wouldnât do you any good. So you stayed like that until he fell asleep, murmuring again and again against your skin how much you meant to him, that he needed you. And then you ran away, putting your clothes back on in a hurry and checking out your appearance in the mirror of the elevator you had grown familiar with. Except that this time, there was nothing left from the joyful sparkle that usually brightened your eyes whenever you left the hotel. All you could see was how miserable he made you once again, all you could see were the tears cascading down your cheeks and along the marks he left on your neck. You slapped your hand on your mouth, pathetically trying to cover up your sobs. It hurt even more than that day, for some reasons. It all hurt too much to hold it in.Â
When Yunho woke up in the morning to an empty bed, he was not surprised, but he was still disappointed. He wished he could have woken up one last time to your pretty and relaxed face, he wished he could have held you through the night one last time. Even if it happened only a few times, when you were too tired to go back to your dorms, it still felt incredibly right to open his eyes and see you all cuddled up against him. Getting up and leaving the room he had so many memories in revealed to be a lot more difficult than he thought it would have been. He took his time getting dressed and making sure he didnât forget anything before slowly closing the door behind him. Taking a quick look at his reflection in the elevatorâs mirror like you did only a few hours ago was enough to notice how wretched he was. His hair were a mess, his eye bags were even worse than a few days before despite him having overslept, and his clothes were wrinkled. But the way it was written all over his face was even more telling.Â
The ride back to his apartment was like a walk of shame - because he had promised to his girlfriend that he would be back before 2am, because he made you suffer again, because he felt like shit, like there was no escape from this situation he put himself in. Yunho only had time to hope that Hana was still asleep but as soon as he opened the door, she jumped from her spot on the couch where she had apparently spent a lot of time worrying, seeing how panicked she seemed.Â
â- Where were you !? You told me you would be back last night and itâs fucking 10am, Yunho !â
Her anger was totally justified, but the only thing he wanted to do right now was to just be swallowed by the floor, or to curl up in his bed and not get up for the next three years.Â
â- Iâm sorry, baby, IâŚ
- You what !? Itâs the fourth time youâre pulling something like that on me this month, what is going on !?â
Yunho was ready to serve her another well prepared lie, the ones he kept on telling her since he started ditching her to be with you. But he just couldnât bring himself to say that they all got back to one of his coworkers apartment to keep drinking after the bar closed, and that his phone died so he couldnât warn her about it, and that he was too drunk and out of his mind to think about borrowing one of his colleaguesâ. He couldnât lie to her right now, he couldnât anymore. And as if it was now a habit every time you sneaked into his mind, he felt tears prickling his eyes, dropping his head low like the coward he was because he couldnât bear to see her hurt, to see her crying because of him too. And as it had become quite usual for him through the course of these last weeks, apologies slipped past his lips.Â
â- Iâm sorry Hana, Iâm so sorry. Iâm sorryâŚÂ
- Yunho⌠Tell me what happened, talk to me. Youâve been so distant and quiet lately, itâs not like you to be so⌠So absent.â
He wanted to answer, to finally tell her the truth, to tell her everything, but he couldnât get any word to leave his mouth, only quiet sobs resonating in the hallway as he tried to stop the tears from running down his cheeks. Slowly, Hana got closer to him, taking his hands in hers and guiding him to the couch where he sat down without any resistance and let her pull him into a hug. She could hear his voice shaking and breaking down everytime he let out another apology. It took a long moment for Yunho to finally be able to calm down and find his words back. And when he did, it didnât make things easier, it didnât make telling her easier.Â
â- I⌠I met someone.â
The sad but knowing smile spreading on her lips told him everything he needed to know. Because, of course, she was not dumb. Of course, she had understood a long time ago what was going on. Of course, Yunho was the only asshole, the only one to blame for everything he put her, and you, through.Â
â- I expected you to say that.Â
- Iâm so fucking sorry, Hana. I never meant for that to happen, I hadnât even thought about doing that before I met her. And once it started I couldnât stop, and when I wanted to tell you everything, it was already too late to not hurt you, and I just got carried away. Iâm sorry, I really didn-
- Stop ! Just⌠Stop.â
So Yunho did, anxiously watching her as she ran a hand through her hair, probably trying to come up with an easy way to tell him that he was a bastard. Which he was, to be honest.Â
â- Iâm not an idiot. I know that you stopped loving me years ago, Yunho. And Iâm not blind either, I saw how you got that sparkle in your eyes back one day, and I knew very well it was not because of me. And before you say anything about being sorry, I know it. I know you are, and I know that you wouldnât have wanted to hurt me even if Iâm just a friend in your eyes.Â
- HanaâŚ
- Donât look at me like that, itâs not a big deal. Weâve been a couple since highschool, it was impossible for us to keep on loving each other until the end of times. I stopped feeling any romantic feelings a while ago, too. Our families are simply what they are, and we canât change them. But Iâm kind of glad you gave us a valid excuse to break up.â
Yunho couldnât help the giggles that escaped him. She always had that dark humour that he loved so much, and that nobody got except for him and her.Â
â- You did not just forgive me for cheating on you because you wanna break up, right ?
- Oh, I certainly did !â
Both of them laughed it off, and it was like a weight was lifted off of his chest, like he could finally breathe a little better. Not as well as when he was with you, but it was a little less bad, now.Â
â- Youâre sure you wanna do this ? You know how much trouble weâre gonna get into if we break up, right ?
- I know, and trust me when I tell you that Iâve thought about it a lot before. And Iâm ready, I donât want them to dictate my life anymore. I think you can understand that better than everyone else.
- Yeah.â
Silence fell back onto the room, and Yunho never felt more at home in his own apartment than after having agreed to break up with his years-long relationship. But he knew it was better like that, knew that they both needed to finally close this chapter of their life and take a new beginning.Â
â- Weâre still friends, though, right ? I still need to hear you spill all the tea about your weird coworkers.â
Hana laughed loudly, and the smile spreading on her lips had never been this wide since so much time that he almost forgot what she looked like when she was happy.Â
â- Of course ! And I wanna know all the updates about that girl, because she must be brave to want to engage in a relationship with you.â
It was his turn to smile and let happiness fill him again. Why he waited so much time to finally be honest with her when it was clear that they had no feelings for each other anymore would certainly forever be an enigma. But at least, they were both free. At least, Hana could find someone that will truly love her, that will love her like she deserved to be loved. And Yunho didnât know if that would be enough to convince you that he was serious about you, that he truly loved you, but he had to try. Because you were worth every tear he shed, and all the pain in the world. He would go through these weeks of anguish again and again if it meant you would take him back.Â
But Yunho had always been a gentleman - and yeah, it was ironic to describe himself like that after everything he had done - and he let you have as much time as you needed, as much space as you asked for. And even when the urge of letting you know about everything that happened was strong, he resisted the temptation to call you, or to send you a text he knew you would not read because you stopped doing that since that night.Â
Everytime his gaze crossed yours in class, it was as if the first time he kissed you in that empty classroom replayed in his mind, it was as if he could still see himself wearing his leather jacket more often only because it still smelled like you and your perfume, it was as if he could still hear you say you loved him for the first time. Everytime his gaze crossed yours in class, he wished you wouldnât shy away, he wished you wouldnât look so hurt, he wished he could go back in time and not do all the mistakes he did, he wished he could do everything right and make you happy, and love you right.Â
Still, he let you run away after every class so you wouldnât risk staying in his presence too much. Still, he let you slip through his hands a little more every time you answered his questions about books he had given to you without that energy and passion you had when it was only the two of you in that hotel room, when everything was still perfect. But it also felt like if he didnât do something right now, you were gonna leave and never come back in his life. He had to do something, he had to stop being a loser, he had to show you that you were never the second choice.Â
You were surprised to find another bouquet of lilies on your doorstep before going to class on a random Wednesday. It had been weeks since you last talked to him outside of classes, and it had been more than two months since you last looked at his texts. You werenât strong enough to block his number again, but you tried not to open the messages anymore. This time there was something written on a little note ; him asking you to meet him by the hill he showed you the night it all went down if you were willing to listen to him, and that if you didnât come, he would understand that you didnât want to see him again and that he would leave you alone, no questions asked.Â
You thought that you would hesitate more, but in your heart, you had already made the decision to go as soon as you saw the bouquet of your favourite flowers he managed to remember even months after you told him. When you parked your car at the spot he had showed you, his was already there. Yunho was waiting for you, contemplating the cityscape, leaning against the hood of his car, hands in the pockets of his black pants, his white tee moving along with the wind. He looked good in anything, but these simple outfits were always making him look so cosy that you wanted nothing more than snuggling in his arms.Â
The warmer wind of the end of spring hit your face as soon as you put your feet outside, the breeze making your hair and the skirt of your flowy dress fly around like you were in some type of dramatic movie. Expect that in those, it always ended well, and that you knew for a fact that your happy end was impossible. But Yunho turned to look at you almost in slow motion, and this time, you couldnât avoid his intense stare, and this time, you wanted to dive back into whatever the two of you had.Â
â- You came.â
His voice was steady, but you could still hear the relief seeping through his words.
â- You asked.â
It was as simple as that, as simple as breathing and walking, as simple as reading and writing. He asked, he called, and you were there in a heartbeat because you would sell your soul for him.Â
â- We broke up. We agreed that we didnât love each other anymore for a long time, and that it was the best decision for both of us.â
You wanted to be sarcastic, wanted to tell him something along the lines of âyou want a medal or somethingâ, but it was only because you didnât know how to deal with that information. Because you didnât know if it meant anything to him, if it meant anything to you. Before you could think about a kinder response, Yunho continued.Â
â- I told you I was willing to do everything if it meant I could be with you, and I was serious. This is the first step, and Iâm gonna go all the way even if youâre not willing to give me a second chance because you made me realise how wrong I was all this time.
- But you have a family, friends and a job. You wonât give all that up for me, I donât want you to.Â
- Angel, Iâm taking all these risks because itâs for you, because I want you to see that Iâm ready to do anything it takes to be with you, and that Iâll keep proving that you didnât make a mistake by choosing me if youâre letting me come back into your life. My family gave up on me a long while ago, itâs only time for them to understand everything they put me through. And I believe that my friends will be wise enough to choose to support me, because youâre my happiness, and thatâs what they should wish for me.Â
- Yes, but youâll still be my teacher.Â
- Iâve been your teacher until then and it didnât cause any problems, did it ? And even if I got in trouble, I know we would figure something out. You mean everything to me Y/N, and I will spend the rest of my life making myself worthy of you if you let me because I love you like Iâve never loved anyone else before.â
Your mind wanted you to say no, but your heart was begging for you to say yes, to give in, to let yourself be happy. And for once, you decided to stop being reasonable. For once, you decided to let things go, to let him guide you through it, to let yourself live.
â- You already are. Youâve always been worthy of me, Yu. I-I love you too, I love you so much.â
This time, when tears started to run down your cheeks, Yunho didnât hesitate one second before pulling you into his arms, running his fingers against your back to soothe you. The way you immediately circled his waist to have him closer to you made his heartbeat pick up, and you chuckled lightly against his chest when you noticed it. And you stayed like that for who knows how long. The only thing you were aware of was that youâve never felt as good as when you were in his arms. And maybe it was wrong, maybe it was a mistake. But it felt just right, it clicked perfectly, like the last pieces of a puzzle you had forgotten on your desk for years and that you finally came back to complete only now. When you raised your head to look him in the eyes, Yunho smiled, and you couldnât help doing the same, especially when he kissed your forehead, and then your nose, and then your lips.Â
â- In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.â
You wanted to slap him for being so cheesy, but the way your heart missed a couple of beats at the intensity with which he was looking into your eyes rendered you unable to talk, unable to think about some quote to say back to him.Â
â- If you keep on confessing to me like that, I might give in, you knowâŚ
- Donât worry about that, angel, I have a ton of citations youâre gonna love.â
His boyish grin made you smile wider, and you couldnât help the urge to kiss him again, because now you had the right to do so. Being the teacherâs pet had its downsides, but in terms of love confessions, you were certain that Yunho would never run out of ideas. And you were okay with that, because as long as he was with you and that you were with him, there was no way something would go wrong. You smiled at him, and he smiled at you, and as the sun set behind you like in the romance movies you despised, you thought that maybe, happy endings were not so bad in the end, especially when you were the one getting kissed passionately at the end of the film.
-> i don't allow any copies, translations or reposts of my work.
-> moon dividers by @samspenandsword
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tw abuse (i guess)
but no joke it was pretty hard when i watched i may destroy you and was it terry? i believe that realizes she's been abused
i watched that show over a year ago and i still remember it and it was so hard for me too to understand that what happened to me was some sort of abuse too and that's been the hardest pill to swallow
#and i hate it so much because long story short one teacher told the class that in life there was no victims#and i disagree so much#in my particular case i blame myself for what happened and putting myself in that situation#not sure if it could been avoided or not#but i haven't talked openly talked about this with anyone#so hello digital footprint#anyways i don't think i could ever talk about it#my 'friends' spread it like gossip and that hurt even more#sometimes some thing triggers the memory and it sucks#i don't want to be a victim because i take full on responsibility for what i did many years ago#but i can't also carry that weight by myself#.......#late night thoughts#op#might delete later#idk#(to anyone who hasn't watched the show briefly from what i remember#is that terry met a guy and was about to have a one night stand and some other dude came by#long story short she ended up going home with those two guys and had a thr**som*#and in the end she realized the tricked her into thinking they didn't know each other but it all#was a plan those two created to sleep with her#she was bamboozled)
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academic rivals d.g.
Pairing: Dick Grayson as Robin x Reader
Warnings: Some injuries.
Word Count: 4.3K
A/N: Full discretion this idea was given to me by an anon and even though I said I wasn't taking requests I just couldn't resist.
Also @writing2sirvive I hope you find this offer acceptable after not writing for our baby for so long đđ
There was always a slight pinch of anxiety when your teacher went around the class, handing back your test papers after grading them and you waited with slightly bated breath, a fist clutching the fabric of your uniform.
Even though you knew you had done well on the exam, you were particularly unnerved by her declaration before distributing the stack of papers that only one person had managed to get a perfect score.
You kept your eyes trained on your desk, waiting for someone behind you to exclaim that they had gotten a 100% but it never came. Not until your teacher had placed your paper in front of you with a soft 'Good job'.
You beamed, barely able to contain your excitement as you waited for the bell to ring.
Of course, you were over the moon that you got a 100. And that you were the only person in the entire class that managed to get one.
But secretly, you were more elated by the fact that someone else didn't.
"Aw, what's wrong Grayson? Your daddy finally run out of money to bribe your teachers with?" You snarked as soon as you caught a glance of the 93 written in red at the top of his paper.
"Sub-par insult, (L/N)." He said flatly.
"I disagree, nothing about me is sub-par, as you can clearly see." A sly grin on your face as you waved your paper with '100' in his face. He rolled his eyes so far back you couldn't resist making a comment, "Roll your eyes as hard as you want, Grayson, you won't be able to find a brain back there."
His friend, Barbara, who was sitting beside him chuckled at this and he turned to her with an irritated glare, "Can I help you?"
She gave him a teasing smile, unnerved by his annoyance toward her, "Oh, nothing, I'm just eagerly waiting for the day you both stop pretending you hate each other and start dating."
It seemed like her comment had just the effect she had wanted when Dick choked on his spit in his haste to argue that even if you were the last person on Earth, he wouldn't go near you with a 10-foot-pole.
"I'm not too happy to agree with you, Grayson but I, very fortunately, have a boyfriend."
His face twisted, "Gross, who'd wanna date you?"
You gave him a fake smile, "Hopefully, not you."
***
"Recognized: Domino, B-08."
You squealed in joy the second the light faded from your eyes, gaze landing on your boyfriend who stood right outside the zeta tube with a giant smile on his face.
You threw your arms around Robin's neck with a giggle, peppering his lips with smiley kisses that he so enthusiastically returned, his arms snug around your waist.
"Do you guys have to do this every time?" Came Conner's unimpressed voice as he shuffled uncomfortably around the two of you making out, "Can you at least stop doing it in the middle of the entrance? People are trying to get places."
You pulled away with a soft blush, smiling at the sight of your sparkly lip gloss on Robin's mouth and his slightly dazed expression. There was nothing like your kisses that was able to knock the vigilante's world off its axis and it had been this way ever since you started dating 10 months ago.
The pair of you were still very much in the honeymoon phase, much to the chagrin of your teammates, who have walked in on you many times while your lips were practically glued to each other.
"How was your day?" Robin finally asked when you had each gotten your fair share of kisses, leading you to the kitchen for a snack before the mission briefing and you beamed, "Amazing! I got a perfect score on that test from last week!"
He raised a brow, "The one that you skipped a date to study for?"
Smiling, you nodded, "The very one."
He sighed, taking a box out of the fridge, "See? I told you that you'd do great! You probably didn't even need to skip our date."
You rolled your eyes, giggling at his pout that you were all too quick to kiss away, "Hey now, I made it up to you, didn't I?"
Nodding, he pushed the box further toward you with a smile, "You did. Which is why I got you this, but I guess it could be for a job well done too."
You gasped when you saw the squiggles of the familiar logo of your favourite bakery on the top of the box and eagerly opened it up, completely missing the fact that it had been sealed with tape and nearly ripping the carboard to shreds in order to get to the treats inside.
The smell of the strawberry shortcake and red velvet cupcake had you salivating, and you wasted to time before digging in.
"Ugh, I love you." You moaned, nearly dissolving into the symphony of flavours and Robin chuckled swiping some of the cream cheese frosting off your cheek before licking it off his thumb, "Are you talking to me or the cupcake?"
You paused, glancing up at him from the cupcake wrapper, "I can love more than one thing."
His affectionate gaze had you melting, forgetting the delicious treat for a second, "Thank you for the gift, I really love it."
Robin happily accepted the sugary kiss you had given him, "Well, I figured, since it had been a while since we had a date in Gotham, you'd be craving it."
You only took another bite of the cupcake to hide your guilty wince. While the list of details you didn't know about your boyfriend was limitless, starting with his name and ending with literally anything else, you felt guilty that he somehow knew even less about you.
At least you knew what city he lived in while he was under the impression that you lived in Star City with Dinah, your mentor. You really thought he wouldn't buy it, especially after he didn't believe Artemis the first time.
But nearly a year after joining the team it would seem that he was still blissfully unaware, and you were planning to reveal your identity to him soon enough. You were firm that you wouldn't be celebrating your one-year anniversary without knowing each other's names at least.
At least once he found out you were living in the same city, you'd be able to have more frequent dates.
"Team to mission room." You heard over the PA, and you grabbed the box with you to the meet Batman and Canary along with the team, unwilling to leave your precious strawberry shortcake at the hands of Wally. This way you'd be able to dislocate his shoulder the second he put his hands on your things.
When you entered the room to find a face that you recognized on the holoscreen, you paused and glanced at Artemis who shrugged in response.
"Leo 'The Lion' Stark, the leader of the cult that was kidnapping young girls was officially incarcerated this morning."
Cheers erupted around the room, and you passed the box in your hands to your boyfriend to high-five Artemis and bring her into a hug. Black Canary patted the both of you on the shoulder, "Job well done on this mission, you two."
The mission that led to his arrest had been an undercover op with both you and Artemis posing as the girls from the private school that was being targeted. Eventually, you were able to find the leader and put a stop to his entire organization.
You had never seen Robin more fearful for your life than during this mission and it was after it that you had said your first I love you's.
"Today's mission is a covert op. For stealth, I will only be sending two members of the team: Robin and Domino."
Robin sent you a smile and you squeezed your interlocked fingers underneath the table.
"If they can stop kissing long enough to actually get the mission done." Conner grumbled underneath his breath and was rewarded with a swift kick to the knee.
***
It happened too quickly.
Everything was going fine. The mission was well underway, and you had observed them long enough to know where they were keeping their illegal servers. All that was left was to input your program that would upload all their data wirelessly so it could be accessed by the league.
Then it all went wrong, all at once.
You don't even remember much of what happened. All you knew is that when you had least expected it, someone had snuck up on you and you had felt your stomach squeeze with a painful terror that you hadn't experienced in a long time upon being caught off-guard.
"The Lion sends his greetings."
What followed was a series of excruciating shocks up your body that had your heartbeat ceasing in your chest and the movement of every single muscle came to a standstill such that you couldn't even make a sound come out of your throat.
You didn't even have the time to think about anything before you lost consciousness, the last thought flashing through your head being your worry for Robin.
And then every single pulse in your head came to an abrupt end.
âCome on hero, come on!â Robin panted as he continued to pump his hands against your chest, counting down the beats in his head to the compressions, âBaby please, please wake up!â
He was in tears, even though he tried to control them, but he had been looking at your unconscious face for the last 30 minutes as he continuously tried to revive you. His stomach was in knots and his chest felt like it was on fire, but he still didnât quit, he wouldnât until he passed out himself.
Before he could even stop himself, he was sobbing and the wails he let out erased the count he was keeping in his head, âSomeone please help! Please help.â
His communicator lay discarded only a couple of feet beside him, but he couldnât take his hands off you for a second, he couldnât mess up the beat, he couldnât stop the chest compressions because youâd die; and heâd die right alongside you.
âRobin, come in. Robin, can you hear me?â
His chest collapsed in a fit of sobs as soon as he heard the sound of his mentor come through from the communicator. The device beeped with the sound that alerted him of an override indicating that his mentor could now listen in.
âBatman help! Sheâs not breathing! I don't think she has a pulse! Iâm trying to do CPR but sheâs not awaking up! Please help!â
âHang in there, Robin. Someone will be there in five.â
***
"She's alive but her brain was deprived of oxygen for a while so we can't accurately put a time frame on when she could wake up." Batman explained, his voice as stiff as concrete like always but the hand he placed on his ward's shoulder was warm and comforting.
There were so many questions rushing through Robin's head, but he kept silent because a part of him already knew the answer. This wasn't the first time he had seen something like this, while being Robin he had seen countless families, parents, spouses, receive the same news.
The distraught questions would usually follow: would take months? years? is there a chance that she could never wake up? is there anything he could do?
He wanted to ask Batman anyway, he wanted Batman to lie and say that everything would be okay, that the girl he loved would wake up soon and he just had to wait but he knew better than anyone that was all it would be. Lies.
There were those that were fortunate enough for their loved one to eventually wake up. Others would be forced to watch life go by while their loved ones were imprisoned to a bed with the empty hope that one day they'd wake up.
So, he swallowed down all his questions, Adam's apple bobbing painfully in his throat, "Can I see her?"
His father nodded, leading him to the med-bay with one hand on his back. Robin felt his stomach sink with every step he took, staring sullenly at his sock-clad feet. In his rush to change after the mission so he could get to you as soon as possible, he had thrown on anything he could find.
Which resulted in him being dressed in your sweatpants and his hoodie that you had stolen so often it smelt like you; a combination that both comforted him and broke his heart all at once.
When he saw you from the door, a rush of epiphanies struck through him like lightning to a metal rod. Although, first and foremost, he was just relieved to see you. Even though it hurt him to see you unconscious, and he knew that there was a chance he'd never get to see you awake again, a part of him forgot all about that as soon as he saw you.
He took quick steps toward you, wanting nothing more than to feel your skin against his when he stopped in his tracks once again with wide eyes, realizing you were without your mask.
"Robin?"
"I-I know her. (Y/N) (L/N), s-she's in my class." He stammered, staring at your relaxed features with his mouth hanging open. As odd as it sounded, this was the first time he had ever seen you, as (Y/N), so relaxed.
Whether it was a scowl or even just a grimace, you always seemed to be frowning at him and he never bothered to pay any attention to you outside of classes, when you were talking with your friends. He was sure you'd have a mesmerizing grin, one that would reach your beautiful eyes.
Batman stayed silent behind him, and Dick wondered just how many times Bruce had heard him talking shit about the love of his life, having to keep silent to respect your privacy. His cheeks coloured, remembering the conversation from this morning, where he had claimed that he would never touch you even with a 10-foot pole.
If only he had known that he had been pressed against the same girl so many nights prior.
"Does it matter?" Batman asked, snapping him out of his mortified state where he remembered every single insult he had ever directed at you, either to your face or behind your back.
To anyone else, it would have sounded like a shallow question, but Dick knew his father was concerned about whether his feelings would have changed, whether your identity did matter to him more than your relationship or his love for you.
He swallowed, walking up to your bedside, and gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face and for the first time in his life, he took in all your features. It was startling how quickly his worst enemy became the most beautiful person in the world.
"No, it doesn't."
***
You could see the bright light even though your eyes were shut. There was nothing more you wanted than to slip back into your deep slumber but for some reason your consciousness began trickling back into your head in a gentle stream.
You squirmed, brows pinching together in a frown as you murmured something unintelligible, features twitching until finally your eyes began to flutter open.
"(Y/N)?" You heard and your hand was squeezed by someone you couldn't quite place. Your vision was still quite blurry, and you were extremely disoriented. Still, you tried to blink through the hazy shapes in your sight and you managed to recognize a familiar head of black hair.
"Baby?" You breathed out, sighing in relief when he pressed a kiss to your knuckles, "Thank goodness you're okay."
Right before you had lost consciousness, a thought had flashed into your head. Robin would never abandon you there, no matter what had happened to you, if you had died or just lost consciousness.
You worried that in his effort to stick by you, he'd be hurt or worse.
"Me? (Y/N), you were unconscious for two days! Do you have any idea how worried I've been?!"
If you had been any more conscious, you probably would've been concerned over the way his voice broke in grief and his heartbroken words but in your exhaustion, all you could do was give him a silly smile, wishing your eyes could focus long enough for you to see his beautiful face.
"I'm okay now, I'm okay."
"I didn't think you would be." He confessed, pressing another kiss to your fingertips, holding your hand gingerly but still in a firm grip in between both of his. Like he was scared you'd evaporate and disappear before his eyes.
"I'm okay, baby. Just a little sleepy." You told him, feeling your consciousness slip further and further away as your blinks began to get longer and longer and your strength began to disappear, "You'll be here when I wake up, right?"
He nodded, voice thick with unshed tears even though you couldn't see him, "Yeah. I'll be right here."
***
This time when you woke, you felt much more refreshed than you had before. Your head didn't feel like it was nailed to the pillow anymore, but it felt like you had lead in your veins which was expected considering you had been unconscious for days.
Despite his promise, Robin was nowhere to be found when you finally sat up, stretching your arms as much as you could, careful of the IV in your hand. Your eyes darted around the familiar med-bay, trying to catch a glance of the clock by craning your neck but was ultimately unsuccessful.
Was it a weekday? Was it school hours? Was that why Robin wasn't at your side like you had asked him? What about you? What excuse had Batman given the school to explain your sudden absence? Were your parents aware that you had been injured?
The endless barrage of questions was silenced to a mum when you heard the door slide open and you sighed in relief, noticing the head of black hair first, "I believe you promised to be here when I woâ!"
Dick Grayson was beaming at you and in certain angles of the light, his blue eyes almost looked glossy with tears, but you shook your head unconsciously. Why would he be crying at the sight of you?
'Because you're so ugly the sight is making my eyes water.' Would have been his classic response and you practically rolled your eyes at the thought.
"(Y/N), you're awake!" He took a step closer, and you flinched.
"Stop right there!" He quite literally froze in his steps, he might as well have been encased in ice at the receiving end of your cold glare, "What the hell are you doing here, Grayson?"
He paused and somehow you were annoyed by the dumbfounded look on his face while multiple scenarios ran through your head. A concussion, brain injury or something along that likeness. Perhaps the part of your brain responsible for recognizing faces was damaged and this wasn't actually Dick Grayson. Amnesia, possibly? Maybe you were actually good friends with him but managed to forget it all? Of course, there was always the possibility this was a dream.
Your brow twitched at his lack of response, "I asked you a question."
At your terse tone, it seemed like he was finally able to snap himself out of his stupor, "(Y/N), baby, it's me."
You scowled, "Don't call me that and speak clearly; the hell do you mean by 'me'?"
"Baby," He said again, so firmly that you were silenced in your effort to snap at him again, "It's me."
Dick watched as your face melted from an expression of disgruntled bewilderment to the smallest sliver of recognition. Your eyes raked over his body, only now noticing that he was in short sleeves, and you were able to see the familiar scar on his forearm that belonged to your boyfriend. The little patch of freckles near his elbow that you had traced with your finger so many times before.
Your voice was small when you called him again, "Rob?"
He nodded and your eyes went wide, not quite able to believe it. Your boyfriend stood stiffly, berating himself for not handling this better. He had very quickly gotten over the fact that his girlfriend was his greatest rival in high school while he watched your unconscious face for the past couple of days, waiting for you to wake up.
It had completely slipped his mind that you were still unaware of his identity, and he swallowed nervously. Sure, it was something he could easily put past him but were you the same?
Robin knew you inside and out, he knew how much you loved him, but he didn't know how just much you hated Dick Grayson. Was that hate enough to overpower your love for him?
You stared at him in surprise for only a minute, but it felt like hours to him before you closed your eyes and leaned your head back, "Wow."
"This-This doesn't change anything right?" He began, feeling the lump in his throat grow three sizes larger when you turned to him with an expression that was not a reassuring smile like he had wanted.
"Are you kidding? This changes everything! Barbara is never going to let us hear the end of this. And my friends? Oh, they've hated you ever since that incident during our group presentations." You exclaimed, fingers twitching, and Dick knew it was because you wanted to flail your arms around but couldn't because of the IV.
He bit his lip. You weren't outright rejecting him or anything, but he needed to hear you say it and he needed to hear it as soon as possible.
"Noâ(Y/N), does this change anything between us?"
You paused, stopping in the middle of your tangent to give him a confused glance, "Between us? No. Why would it?"
And just like that, the tension in his muscles evaporated away and he relaxed, approaching to your side like he wanted to and interlacing your fingers, "I love you."
You finally smiled at him, leaning to kiss his lips, "I love you more, even though you said I was gross and that no one would ever want to date me."
"Well, to be fair you said you'd hope I never did, so I guess we're even."
***
"Hey, stranger." It really didn't make sense that after almost a year of dating, your boyfriend's voice still managed to send shivers down your spine. You closed your locker shut before turning to meet the beautiful blue eyes that you grew to love.
It was scary how quickly you completely rewired your brain into loving every single feature belonging to Dick Grayson.
"Hi, Grayson."
His eyes dipped to your lips for a second, mentally scolding himself for turning to putty the second you said his last name. It was weird how the last time you both were in school together, he thought that the sound of his name coming from your mouth was like nails on a chalkboard.
Now, he felt like he had been blessed just by being in your presence.
"I have all the assignments and notes that you missed the past week." You had been ordered bed rest and some physiotherapy to regain complete mobility after being unconscious for a couple of days. Under your boyfriend's watchful care, he had dutifully nursed you back to health.
You smiled when he handed you the stack of papers even though the heft of it made you want to cry. All this work from just a week? All the AP classes you had been taking in order to compete with your own boyfriend had come back to bite you in the ass.
"Thank you. Can I come over later so you can help me out with it?"
It was really a formality that you were asking because you both knew he was obviously going to say yes. But you figured you'd do the polite thing and ask the first time. After today though his room would practically be yours, just as your room would now be his personal hideout.
"Of course, baby. I've been dying to introduce you to Alfred. We can go back to mine together after school."
You nodded, starting when you heard the bell, "I have Physics." You bemoaned, it being the only class Dick didn't take with you. He had opted for a language instead, which you were beginning to think was more useful than whatever you learnt anyway.
He gave you a smile, eyes twinkling when he slanted his lips over yours in a soft kiss and you had to pull away quickly before you forgot just where you were.
His disappointed pout was all too quick to disappear when you reminded him that you'd be going home with him that day, "I'll see you later."
The two of you parted ways with delirious smiles, feeling too much like you were wafting on cloud nine, completely unbeknownst to the small crowd of people that watching your entire interaction with wide eyes.
Barbara, who was stood at the centre of the flock, smirked, and held out her hand, "Pay up bitches."
***
Bonus:
"I'm surprised you didn't figure out her identity earlier, Dick. Aren't you supposed to be a great detective?" Wally teased and your boyfriend rolled his eyes.
"It's not that I couldn't find out, I just didn't try."
"How come?"
He spared you a glance and shrugged, "She asked me not to."
"I don't remember you offering me the same consideration." Artemis sniped but he knew it was all in good nature.
"You aren't nearly as pretty." He replied coolly, making you blush.
***
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"the public education system is intently evil and all teachers are abusive because it was the worst experience ever for me personally"
guys, look, I'm legitimately sorry that happened to you. that's fucked up. it shouldn't have happened, and it shouldn't be allowed to happen again to you or anyone else. I'm sorry.
public school was hard for me too, at times, and I'm still suffering the consequences for the harsh grading, the arbitrary deadlines, the hours of completely useless-to-me homework. I could name a few teachers who have been pretty fucking terrible. the fact that nobody considered getting me evaluated for ADHD has had an impact on my self image and academic success that I can't erase.
and also.
I grew up in an area where education, in particular, is incredibly progressive-leaning. educators are working really hard to create and try out education philosophies and practices that prioritize kids and their learning, rather than teachers and what they think kids should learn.
My sex ed was comprehensive, and came entirely from school. My gay sixth grade teacher taught me about HIV/AIDs in a useful, accurate way. In high school, I learned about the way orgasms work & I was prepared not to feel shame for normal stuff.
I learned that Communism was not what the USSR actually practiced, and what it really means. I learned about atrocities and, specifically, the genocide of indigenous people committed in/by the US. I learned about the military industrial complex, the school-to-prison pipeline, and I learned about manifestations of racism specific to my local area. I learned about Stonewall, and the intersection of the civil rights movement with gay rights and disability justice.
My creative writing teacher taught us about LSD, and the real reasons we shouldn't do it, after a hilariously ineffective assembly run by some local cops. He spoke gently, carefully, and emphatically about his friends and his own experiences. Later in the semester, he read us a story he wrote about two gay men finding each other in a deeply homophobic environment.
My sci-fi teacher made me feel safe & seen as a kid with "weird" interests. My US History teacher helped me research and put together a 10-page paper on the modern relevance and mission of Feminism. My government teacher made me feel appreciated for the work I put into the class, and the thought I put into what I said in it, even though he disagreed with a lot of it. My sixth grade teacher bought me books to read with his personal money, whichever ones I asked for. My third grade teacher made me feel safe. My science teacher in middle school made me excited for and passionate about science, and saw and nurtured the effort I put into her class.
A lot of stuff sucks, absolutely. But I am seeing new teaching methods being tried out all the time, and I am watching teachers get really excited when I teach their students about the roots of modern graffiti in US black history & to question property laws, and just...
There's hope. there are so many people doing so much work to make things better. so many people agree with you on what education should be, and are trying so fucking hard to put that into action, and so many public schools- not just teachers, but whole schools and even districts- are really doing that work. so much is getting better.
I had more to say, about necessary childcare and trusted adults and outside contacts and time away from abusive family. But like. Please just sit down and listen to more people on this, and please talk to educators and education professionals about what's really going on in this big huge world of philosophy, science, and practice.
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fem plus size bimbo ta!reader, wc: 639.
a/n: hi hi hi @deadbolted!! so i hope you don't mind but i changed the reader from being a student to being a teacher's assistant! this whole fic turned out to be very sweet and i appreciate your request! :]
You stare at the professor in amazement, your chin resting on your palms as you watch his lithe hands grade papers with a swiftness you could never obtain.
âI like that you know stuff.â You murmur mindlessly, your eyes tracing the path of the red ink until the paper was stained with a 98%.Â
âOh yeah?â Spencer asks with a tiny smile on his face, his focus still on the tests in front of him.
If he was going to be honest, you were supposed to be helping him grade said papers, seeing as though he had chosen you to be his teacher's assistant. It wasn't that you were dumb per se, just more⌠prone to distraction. He was pretty sure it was his fault if the heart eyes you were giving him was anything to go by.
Usually unwanted affection would make Spencer uncomfortable, but there was just something about you that piqued his interest.Â
You didn't throw yourself at him or flirt shamelessly. Of course you fawned over him and he pretended he didn't hear the soft whisper of your voice squealing about how handsome he looked in his suit combo â which was something Spencer had been kind of unsure about when he had put it on in the morning.Â
âMm-hm.â You hummed. âI think itâs cool.â Spencer could almost laugh, but he didnât, instead his bottom lips rolled between his teeth to hold back a large smile. âI teach seminars, I kind of have to know stuff.âÂ
âWhatever,â You respond with a shrug. âYou still know more than me.â
That stopped Spencerâs scribbling, the manâs eyes now fully settling on you. The movement was unexpected and it caused you to flinch slightly, your gaze that was once fiercely set on him fluttered in a way that signaled you were flustered.
âIâm going to have to disagree.â His voice was almost a whisper and your faces were a lean away. âReally?â You asked brainlessly, your tone almost breathless sounding. âReally. I think youâre the smartest girl Iâve ever met.â Your cheeks heat and your eyes fall on his beard that is growing darker and thicker with each passing day. Then, they trail towards his lips.
âI- I donât know.â Your tense shoulders loosen and you pull away. âHey, no, donât do that.â He chides softly. Spencer leans his head down in an attempt to search for your eyes. âI swear that Iâm not lying. Iâve seen some of the work youâve done for other classes, and you are brilliant.â
âYou promise?â You ask meekly. âYeah,â He nods. âI promise.â
There was a beat, then two, then three, before Spencer found himself leaning down and gently brushing his lips against yours.Â
You freeze and for a moment he fears that he may have read the situation wrong, but then you press into him, your lips finally locking. Itâs not hungry or urgent, just sweet and experimental, mouths moving unsurely to try to find a pace thatâs right for the both of you.
Sure this was wrong, so very wrong, but if you ask Spencer thereâs a lot of things wrong about his life, and for the first time since his imprisonment, this is the only thing that actually felt right.
Your hands shyly place themselves on his stubbled cheeks, his own hands reaching up to do the same. His thumbs paw at your cheeks when he tilts his head to side slightly, his tongue brushing your bottom lip asking you for entrance.
Your mouth opens up shyly and your tongues dance together languidly, and you pull away when a small moan bounces between you.
You both are breathing heavily â quietly â all the while still holding each other.
For the first time in a long time, Spencer doesnât know what to do, but he knows heâll figure it out.
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